Scrapple & Iggs

Is this an officially licensed MLB product? I think not!

2008-05-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

So the last two nights I headed down to the new Nationals Park. It's not that bad. It has many open plaza areas, the centerfield bar (especially the upper level) is a great place to hang out with friends in large groups for only $10 tickets, and the stadium staff are very friendly. The only complaint I have about the place is it appears that the nose-bleed sections are too high; they should sacrifice distance away from the field as opposed to distance above the field. Moving on...

Last night I had great seats a few rows behind the Nats dugout on the first base side. As I settled into my seat, I noticed some commotion behind me concerning a plush novelty item one of the Nats fans just purchased. At first my heart skipped a beat because, yes, it was the one and only Phillie Phanatic! But, behold my awestruck eyes, I saw a very different Phanatic:

Excuse me? Excuse me? But did a Nats fan dress up the best damn mascot in all of professional sports in a Nats jersey, jacket and cap? True, it could have been worse--it could have been Expos gear. This sight was especially unsettling because of what the hockey playoffs brought the Rocky statute back home.

But what a sacrilege for a Phillies fan! We don't go around taking Screech and dressing him up in a Phillies jersey. The Phanatic DOES NOT, I repeat DOES NOT support other teams, only the Phillies. Period. Also, what the hell does a "NATtilly attired Phanatic" mean? Am I missing some play on words here?

After a 1-0 victory over the Nats, and a cooling of the blood in my veins, it was suggested that I should be honored to have other teams try and take the Phanatic as their own. Is anyone else buying this? I certainly am not.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Phillies Fever (1976)

2008-03-31T06:30:00.000-07:00

In celebration of the start of the Phillies season today, I thought I would flood the intertubes with some Phillies goodness from my personal collection.

I was in Philly this past weekend and went to the "Baseball & America" exhibit at the National Constitution Center. I highly recommend it. They brought many, many artifacts from the Hall of Fame Museum in Cooperstown, New York; so if you don't plan on heading to Cooperstown in the near future, but live near Philly, you should surely go. While there, I saw that they had LP singles of such baseball hits as Philly's own The Intruders' "(Love is Like a) Baseball Game" and Terry Cashman's "Talkin' Baseball (Willie, Mickey & 'The Duke')." So it got me to thinking about an LP I had stowed away at home involving the Phillies. I would like to share it with you all, especially considering there is nothing about this item on the internet.

Back in 1976, as a promotion I suppose, the stars of the Phillies cut a record at Grand Prix studios in Philly. It was a two-sided single with the A side being "Phillies Fever," and the B side the instrumental of the same song. It was sung by Larry Bowa, Mike "Hot Corner King" Schmidt, David Cash, Greg "The Bull" Luzinski and Garry "The Secretary of Defense" Maddox. With the current year in mind, you will notice the funky disco beats that drive the song. There is also some interesting dialogue between the players. You even have the current stadium announcer, Dan Baker, introducing the quintet. Enjoy!

I recently submitted the history of this LP and how it came into my possession to MLB.com for an article they were writing about cherished memorabilia. To give this LP some context, I would like to also share with you this history:

"One of my very first baseball collectibles was a 33 vinyl record that was put out by the Philadelphia Phillies in the late 1970s entitled "Phillies Fever." I forget what was on the B-side, but the song itself was not too good. It was performed by then-Phillies Larry Bowa, Dave Cash, Mike Schmidt, Greg Luzinski and Garry Maddox. I enjoy this collectible because of the person who gave it to me and the relationship we had. Back in my old neighborhood in Philadelphia there was an elderly man, Mr. Seawagon, who lived around the corner from us. He always used to talk Phillies with my dad. One day, still a young lad at the age of 11, after thinking I had enough information and ability to keep up with him in a conversation about last night's game, I headed over to his house to talk ball. That was the first of many visits. Mr. Seawagon always left his front door open for me to come in, sit down, and talk about the Phillies. He also told me old stories about baseball in Philadelphia at places like Connie Mack Stadium. I gained a great deal of knowledge about the team from that man. One day, he was awaiting my arrival with a gift: the "Phillies Fever" record. He told me he had no use for it and, after spouting out statistics of the various artists on the LP, gave it to me for safekeeping."

So do you have Phillies Fever too? If so, I heard the only prescription is more (David) Bell. Ok, sorry for that one.

GO PHILLIES!!!

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Big East Tournament Preview

2008-03-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

The Beasts of the BIG EAST

Heading into the Big East Tournament, Georgetown is riding on the momentum of its revenge defeat of Louisville to close the season, and clinch the season Big East Title. The Hoyas have now won back-to-back Big East regular season titles, the first time a team has accomplished that feat since the expansion of the league to its current size.

Big East teams are unlikely to be intimidated by the Hoyas success, as a few, (Louisville, Syracuse, and Pitt) have already knocked off the Hoyas. The Hoyas biggest problem is their suspect guard play. They have tremendous problems bringing the ball up the court, with reserve guard Jeremiah Rivers still learning how to dribble. One would think with a father who played basketball and is a basketball coach that you would learn how to dribble well enough just to bring the ball up the court, but Rivers looks like his hands are covered in KY. When Rivers is playing on offense, its a lot like drafting Kevin Kolb, WHY????

God has clearly demonstrated his preference of Georgetown this year. Gtown is undefeated in games decided by three points or less. This includes Roy Hibbert 7'2'' making a 3-pointer against UConn, and several wins with very questionable calls. Against West Virginia Ewing got away with goaltending on what would have been the game winning shot. Against Villanova, 70 feet from the basket, Jonathan Wallace received an incredibly lucky phantom foul, where there really was no foul, and made the game winning free throws. Against Marquette, Ewing clearly charged at the end of the game, but instead the Marquette player was charged with blocking to put Ewing on the line. A few seconds later, Wallace got to go the charity stripe for three free throws when he appeared to be clearly stripped of the ball. Wallace and Ewing's free throws put the game into OT.

Who can stop Georgetown? Well, almost all the top 9 teams in the Big East Tournament have a decent shot of beating Georgetown. Georgetown plays the winner of the 8-9 Syracuse-Villanova game. Both Syracuse and Nova have to win the 8-9 game in order to have a shot at making the NCAA tournament. A win over Georgetown would seal the deal for either team. Nova would love to have revenge for the phantom foul call in DC. The prospect of playing Syracuse is much worse for Georgetown. Syracuse crushed Georgetown in upstate NY, and was up by 7 with 3 minutes to go before falling to Georgetown in DC. Flynn, the star Orangeman, requires Georgetown to give Rivers, the team's defensive specialist, a lot of minutes, which means lots of turnovers while bringing the ball up the court. Although, Georgetown will face the same problem while trying to guard Scottie Reynolds of Villanova.

If Georgetown gets past the 8-9 game, they will likely face UConn. UConn has been the surprise team of the Big East, with a 10-game winning streak in the middle of the season, and closing out the regular season with a 45-point shellacking of Cincinnati, another Big East Tournament participant. Before UConn got hot, Georgetown had to win with a 3-pointer for Center Roy Hibbert. Hasheem Thabeet dominated Roy in that game, with several authoritative blocks. The Huskies showed their lack of depth when Thabeet was out of the game, and Roy could dominate.

In the finals, Georgetown will likely face the winner of Notre Dame-Louisville. The Hoyas are built to beat a team like Notre Dame. The Hoyas have athletic forwards to guard Harangody, and Hibbert can stop him from going to the rim. The Irish don't have athletic enough guards to exploit Georgetown's suspect perimeter play. Louisville will be the biggest challenge. Louisville creamed Georgetown at home, and almost pulled off the upset this weekend in DC. Georgetown matches up well with Louisville, as the Cardinals' guards aren't athletic enough to exploit Georgetown's weak ball-handling skills.

Of course, in any game, if Roy gets into foul trouble, the Hoyas could be quickly eliminated. If Vernon Macklin, who somehow was a McDonald's All-American, sees any meaningful minutes, every Hoya fan will burn their diploma. Macklin can't play defense, can't dribble, can't pass, and can't put the ball in the rim from a couple feet away. And if he ever makes a free throw, I think LJ Smith might catch a pass.

Go Hoyas!

Go Long or Go Gome, Indeed

2008-03-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

The Inqy's Phil Sheridan has a pretty interesting read today. In likening him to the 1993 "rough and tumble" Phillies, Sheridan interviewed rogue golfer John Daly.

Sort of looks like a 1993 flashback, in fact--that is, if Curt Schilling really let himself go.

The article shows how Ryan Howard and Daly have a mutual respect for one another and what they have done in their respective sports. Sheridan does a decent job of pointing out similarities, but I think in the end Howard will be better known for what he has done in his sport.

But do we have a new pro-am golf pairing here? If anything, I would have thought Brett Myers had more in common with Mr. Daly.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Calcio Comes to Chester

2008-02-28T09:10:00.000-08:00

Team jersey design from Big Soccer user Dill0n. Check out more here.

Well, folks, today is the day. The day that months of lobbying, arguing, cheering, and planning have come to fruition. Today, at 1PM, MLS will formally announce that Philadelphia is to receive the 16th MLS franchise.

The name has yet to been determined, but the message boards over at Big Soccer are suggesting Philadelphia AC or Philadelphia Independence FC. Actually, MLS already registered for the latter name as a website.

Is it sinking in yet?

For some, myself included, we no longer have to turn towards EPL, Serie A, or DC United to get our fix for offering support. We can just look across the river to Chester. No need to wake up at 9AM on a Saturday or Sunday to catch games across the pond. No longer is it necessary to feel guilty about cheering on a team from a city that is not yours. We can stop questioning whether the MLS has made it now.

Instead, we can look forward towards a new stadium, new rivalries, and new team management to disagree with.

One of the new directions I would like to take Scrapple & Iggs in is to be one of the major blogs about MLS in Philly. Therefore, if you have any stories, tips, or ideas to write about concerning MLS and Philly, I created an e-mail for you to use: scrappleplusiggs@gmail.com You can also send any hate mail there.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

The Secret to Deadspin's Success? It's the Ya-Yo.

2008-02-22T08:37:00.000-08:00

As an amateur blogger, I can easily hide behind the "I'm too lazy to actually report/do work" excuse. Typically, I look for stories that intersect between sports and politics, hope I found it before 70% of the internet has, and then write about it. That and Philly's efforts to get an MLS team (wahoo!). It is ever so rare that I get to blog about an event that I actually attended. So far it has only happened once.

Last night I had an opportunity to report on another first-hand experience. Editor of Deadspin, Will Leitch, came to the Barnes & Noble here in the Georgetown section of Washington, DC. He was promoting his new book God Save the Fan (brief preliminary review below). Because of its lack of Metro accessibility, I mostly goto Georgetown only to watch Eagles games at Rhino Bar; however, Will seemed like a cool guy, and I needed a new book to read.

I have never been to a book reading and/or signing before. Frankly, I find the literary type intellectually snobby, with vague interpretations of characters and themes being the only thing to back up their "genius." But I digress. This event was quite the surprise: I enjoyed the reading Will put on, which was much like something I would find on an improv stage. He then took some questions from the audience, most of which you could tell came from those who read Deadspin. Here are some highlights of the evening:

Due to tempting happy hour deals at a nearby drinking establishment, I thought that with showing up 15 minutes after the scheduled start time, I would be late. Will decided to take my 15 minutes and raise me a whole 45. He blamed Amtrak and a delay due to an attempted suicide on the tracks. No joke. It was probably Mitt Romney realizing that he should have never bailed out of the race.
In an effort to reach out to the 3% of the city who still supports Bush and his administration, Will admitted that the best way to deal with lawsuits, lawyers, and legal dilemmas is to simply ignore them.
Apparently, many bloggers/commenters were in attendance. Shout out to The 700 Level fellas who I recognized there. Overall, however, the DC stop seemed to be the best-attended so far.
AJ Daulerio (aka "The Balls") definitely has a cult following. With Will's presidential ambitions, he would make a great VP... or possibly Secretary of Smokey Tornadoes.
Will, when signing a copy of his book for me, was very friendly and approachable. I am sure if I asked him to go parasailing with me, he wouldn't turn me down. Yes, I am speaking to you, Matt Drudge!

Finally, I started to read the actual book. It is a great read. Will takes an interesting view on how Americans view their athletes, or at least should. It is comical and an easy read. Go buy it.

Here are a couple of photos that I took from the event:

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Eagles Place Franchise Tag on NFC East Cellar

2008-02-08T07:13:00.000-08:00

The Eagles announced today that they placed a franchise tag on the last place spot in the NFC East. The last place spot was scheduled to become a free agent, but the Eagles will now pay top dollar to retain their spot. Usually the basement is relatively cheap, but the Eagles don't want to do this on the cheap, like they normally approach personnell decisions.

There is no way to spin this. There is no possible way to understand why the Eagles would put a franchise tag on LJ Smith. First of all, he's absolutely terrible. The Eagles should have plenty of video to see how awful he is. He flat out can't catch. Its not like he played for another team, and the Eagles feel like his potential hasn't been tapped into. He's been playing for the Eagles. Second, he's an injury liability. That might be the excuse for his sucking, but either way, he still sucks. In an offensive scheme where rhythym between the TE and QB is so important, why would you want a crappy injured guy there, who never develops rhythym with the QB?

What's amazing, is that this means the Eagles have to pay him a lot of money. LJ would have accepted next to nothing, and was anticipating not being resigned. Bad tight ends don't expect a lot of money. Now the Eagles may have to pay him the average of the top 5 TE salaries. LJ is not one of the best 5 tight ends. Just off the top of my head Gates, Shockey, Crumpler, Cooley, Witten, Winslow, Gonzalez, and the Eagles own Schobel are better. If I looked at the stats, I'm sure he wouldn't even crack the top 10. Why don't we use that money to go get another tight end, or draft one? WTF WTF WTF!!!!!?????

Reid's explanation: "L.J. Smith has been a very productive tight end in our offence," coach Andy Reid said in a statement. "He is healthy and working his tail off so he can have a very successful 2008 season."

NO NO NO NO NO! He has never been a productive tight end. He is always expected to have a break out year, and he never does. His lack of production is why the Eagles were awful in the red zone, which is why one of the best offenses in the league couldn't get into the playoffs. NO NO NO NO NO!

Congress to Churches, NFL: Let There Be (Matt) Light!

2008-02-07T08:53:00.000-08:00

These days Senator Arlen Specter seems to be on a war path with the NFL in his crosshairs. I already wrote about his meddling with the NFL and Spy Gate, as well as his poor decision to bring the Birds in on the matter. I also like the angle taken over at Attytood about why Specter is going after the NFL with Spy Gate (hint, it has to do with campaign donations--big surprise!).

Well the theory advanced by Attytood got another boost today. The WaPo writes about a bill Specter introduced this week that would allow places of worship to show football games on big screens. A House version of the bill will be introduced by former Skins QB Rep. Heath Shuler (R-Ga.).

Apparently, the NFL sent letters to churches planning congregational gatherings which were to show the big game on a big screen. The letters said that such gatherings violated copyright laws and threatened legal action. Federal copyright law exempts restaurants/bars from showing NFL games to large audiences on large screens, however, churches are not exempt. To fix the situation, this bill would effectively treat houses of worship like houses of spirits.

I honestly have no opinion about the merits of the bill. Catholic churches don't really show football games, so it would not affect me in any way (we Catholics will stick to our bingo games, thank you very much!). Moreover, the law is the law, so if federal statutes are in place to protect the copyright interests of the NFL, then so be it. And, no matter what happens, I am sure padre will continue to make the joke that we should make every Sunday a 'Super Sunday.'

I just find it fascinating that Specter keeps going after the NFL. I don't feel bad for the NFL, but doesn't this guy have anything better to do than make sure synagogues aren't making money off of showing the Super Bowl? Don't we have some time until the next Super Bowl to deal with this as opposed to piling on to the NFL? Senator Specter, please stop or next year all we will have to watch around this time of the year is the Puppy Bowl.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Breaking Update: Specter Makes Sure Americans Still Hate Congress & Philadelphia

2008-02-04T09:25:00.000-08:00

God, I love that photo.

This morning, on his weekly call in to Sports Radio 610 WIP, Senator Arlen Specter, talked about his probe into the Pat's 'Spy Gate.' Just after you thought he may turn down the heat on the Pats after their upset last night, he decides to make things worse and rub salt into that wound by restating his intention to move forward with the investigation. I already wrote about how Congress should get its nose out of this entire affair.

On 610 WIP, Specter said that relevant people weren't interviewed and, basically, the NFL did a botched job of investigating the matter. Excuse me, Senator, but if you want to point fingers for botched oversight, how about we talk about your Senate Judiciary Committee in the 109th Congress? How about we talk about how you, as Chairman of that Committee, gave the Bush Administration (in particular the Department of Justice) a free pass for such issues as torture, signing statements, and the hiring of U.S. Attorneys? How about we also point out that my taxes pay your salary and not Roger Godell's? What a bozo.

And, to make matters worse, the morning show's host, Angelo Cataldi, asked the Senator if he plans to bring up spying in relation to the Eagles loss to the Pats in Super Bowl XXXIX. Specter replied that he actually plans to lead off his inquiry of NFL Commish Godell with said Super Bowl.

Great.

Mr. Specter, us Philly fans don't have much to look forward towards this year (OK, maybe the Phillies). But, we have suffered and suffered for the last 20+ years. One of the few things that we have going for ourselves is that, despite our sometimes uncouth behavior and extreme passion, the country actually now hates fans from the New England region more because they are obnoxious band-wagon-hoppers. By leading this Congressional investigation with the Eagles loss in the Super Bowl, you are now giving the country a new reason to hate Philly sports fans. As if I wasn't sick enough already of hearing about booing Santa Claus, batteries being thrown at an outfielder, courtrooms in the Vet, and cheering the potential paralysis of Michael Irvin, you go ahead and have now added the use of the federal government to get the city's football team some street cred. Bravo, sir, bravo.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Ain't No Love on This Train

2008-02-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

Of course I have to write briefly about a story involving the corrupt Bush Administration and its interaction with Philly. And I definitely have to write about the story when it involves Philly soul music.

According to a lawsuit described by WaPo, it seems that the city of Philadelphia, through its Housing Authority (PHA), is suing the federal Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD).

As the case is turning out to be, 'Philly Sound' songwriter Kenny Gamble, who is involved with a housing non-profit in Philly, is buddies with HUD Secretary Alphonso Jackson. Gamble helped write such spectacular hits as the O'Jay's "Love Train," Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes' "If You Don't Know Me By Now," and Billy Paul's "Meeee, ahhh, Meeee and Mrs., Mrs. Jones." When PHA didn't give Gamble's non-profit land containing projects so the non-profit could continue development on that land, Gamble went to Secretary Jackson and had Jackson put pressure on the city. The pressure came in the form of denying PHA federal money for some of the housing projects in the city.

The one silver lining in this story about how the Bush Administration loves to screw people not only on a federal level, but at the local level as well, is former Mayor John Street. Wait, Civil, are you giving props to John Street? Yes, yes I am; I give props where props are due. Apparently, from the article, it looks like Street didn't cave into pressure from Secretary Jackson and give the land to Gamble's non-profit.

Just goes to show the only thing I despise more in politics than John Street is Bush and his cronies.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Dear Mr. Belichick, Please Don't Associate this Senator with the Eagles

2008-02-01T13:10:00.000-08:00

Via the AP & NYT, it is reported that Pennsylvania Senator, weekly morning guest on 610 WIP, and one-time 'Gong Show' contestant (see right), Arlen Specter (R), expressed concern to NFL Comish Roger Goodell about the destruction of tapes confiscated by the league during the Pats 'Spy-gate.'

Let me be the first to say as a Democrat that I respect how Specter frequently reaches across the aisle on many issues, particularly those issues that come before the Senate Judiciary Committee, which he sits on. Yet, let me be even quicker to say: Specter and those in the Congress, shut the hell up! Really, shut up and stop barking up this damn tree about "cleansing professional sports of its ills." It is not the place of the legislative branch of the federal government to make sure that baseball players aren't injecting their asses with needles or whether NFL coaches are going all James Bond on one another. Instead, how about we focus our attention on the war in Iraq or the Bush administration's desire to use the U.S. Constitution as toilet paper?

What makes this call by Specter even more absurd is that at least Congress has an excuse to look into MLB because it has sway over its anti-trust exemption. Yet, why is cheating, weeks after it occurred nonetheless, being brought up regarding a league that the Congress has no inroad for to begin with? If the senior Senator from PA wants to fight cheating, he should have raised more of a fuss 5 years ago when the Justice Department was looking into corruption of the mayor's office of one of his major cities. Don't ya think?

Bill, if you are reading this (and I am sure you are with the Super Bowl right around the corner), please don't take this out on the Birds when you face them next. Gracias.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Gooooooooooaaaaaaal!!! State Backing All But Assures MLS Team To Philly

2008-01-30T06:59:00.000-08:00

Graphic courtesy of Delco Times.

The Delco Times reported yesterday that the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is about to kick in $45 million for a new stadium deal in Chester. State legislators from the area, along with support from Governor Ed Rendell, helped persuade Harrisburg that this funding was needed. Along with funding from the county, the city of Chester, and private investors, there appears to be all the players on the field necessary to get a stadium on the waterfront.

At the Major League Soccer Draft several days ago, MLS Commissioner Don Garber said that Philly was a 'step ahead' of rival Saint Louis for getting that next team. This funding coup will certainly put Philadelphia leaps and bounds over the Gateway City.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Around That Horn: Democratic Debate in South Carolina

2008-01-22T08:44:00.000-08:00

Well they are now down three (do we still have to count Kucinich?) in the Democratic primary. They had their debate last night in South Carolina. I was thinking of doing one of those trendy 'live blogs,' but then I realized that only 4 people read this blog and 3 of them only come here for our snarky sports analysis--well, that and the fact that I had to keep pausing the debate to go get more Kudos bars.

But it is over, and I just wanted to make some remarks about the Democratic end of the primary season and this debate in particular.

Overall, I think that Edwards had the strongest showing at the debate. In pointing out how Hillary and Obama went at it, one on one, on stupid issues like Obama representing a slum lord, Edwards scored double points: one for pointing out that their arguments contributed nothing to the national discourse on issues affecting real Americans and, second, he got sympathy points for noting how he was left out of the debate for about 5 minutes. PS: Who gave Wolf Blitzer his current position at CNN? Must be someone high up at the news network who likes having his sack tickled by gray whiskers.

Yes, I am rooting for Edwards. He has the best vision for this country and his fight against poverty and against the big companies in this country is admirable. I think Hillary is too political and calculating and, when compared to Edwards, Obama needs more experience.

Funniest moment of the night was when Obama said that he can't determine whether Bill Clinton was this country's first black/brother president until he sees him dance and some of "his other stuff." Other stuff? What other stuff? Maybe he should ask Monica Lewinsky to find out about that. Even more disturbing was that Hillary said that such an investigation could "be arranged." Nothing like a Democratic 'man-man-lady' threesome!

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Was Race an Issue? Phanatic Victor in Mascot Primaries

2008-01-16T05:57:00.000-08:00

Forget Romney, forget HRC, forget Barry Obama. The Phillie Phanatic is the victor in a recent election race. As reported by PDN, the Phanatic was ranked number one as far as mascots and brand identity go. Although this study had more of a marketing and business angle, I will take the victory. As I have said before, the Phanatic was an integral part in my childhood-baseball memories.

It was nice to see he could rise above the fray in this contest and even-handedly beat his opponents such as Mr. Met and Rowdy (who I hear is looking for a job as the new Arby's mascot after the Cowgirl's recent loss).

Don't you think that, because of his green fur and extra-terrestrial characteristics, he would be the perfect running mate for Dennis Kucinich?

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

McCain and Elephant Walks: John Gets the Phi Sig Vote

2008-01-09T05:44:00.000-08:00

No, I am not talking about McCain's relation to the GOP's mascot, the elephant. Any of you who went Greek in college, however, do know exactly what I am talking about.

Nonetheless, I was totally mesmerized last night by the frat-boy crowd at John McCain's New Hampshire victory speech. First off, my hat off to WALNUTS!. It was only a few weeks ago that he was begging for money, and the man comes back to win the first primary and prove that he is moderate enough to get those NH indys.

Yet, for his speech last night, I wondered who screened the crowd. It was like his audience was made up of nothing but drunken fraternity boys. Not that there is anything wrong with such a crowd (yours truly included in such a group); but they were loud, obnoxious, inaccurate, and very unoriginal.

There were chants of "Mac is back!" Last time I checked the man was Irish, not Scottish. Then, after looking at all the American flags around, the crowd felt so overwhelmed as to chant "USA! USA! USA!" Did you wonder where John was headed next? Just listen to the pledges: "Michigan! Michigan!" They also felt compelled to let those watching know, in case you mistook him for the Cryptkeeper I suppose, that you were watching a speech by "John McCain! John McCain!"

Even McCain looked peeved at the crowd, needing to calm them down on several occasions. I am sure, however, everything was OK afterwards when McCain and the senior brothers did beer bongs backstage and passed around the GOP sweetheart for oral favors.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Eagles-Giants Point-Counterpoint

2007-12-07T06:43:00.000-08:00

Eazy-C (Eagles fan) and Diphicult-B (Giants fan) debate which team is more likely to choke this weekend. Both contend that their team is the most likely to blow it this weekend.

Eazy-C: The Eagles are the least clutch team in the NFL. This year 5 out of our 7 losses have come down to the final drive. We made Brian Griese look like Joe Montana in the last minute. We made Lofa Tatupu look like Marvin Harrison, not only throughout the game, but at the end too. We couldn't hit Kevin Curtis wide open at the end of the game against the Redskins. We even dropped a fair catch punt against the Packers to hand them a free win. What an incredibly non-clutch team. If its a close game, the Eagles have no chance. There is no way they can beat anyone in the final two minutes. No one can hold a candle to the Eagles ability to choke.

Diphicult-B: The Giants will prevail in blowing it because of their superior experience: The Giants have been in this position before and have each time engineered a late season collapse. The Eagles on the other hand have used the end of the season to gain ground, even winning the division last year. Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin are really clutch at blowing a season and will definitely lead Big Blue to a loss against the Eagles to start it off.

Diphicult-B: No matter how great the Eagles ability to lose games at the end is, it all boils down to a simple point...which quarterback would you rather put on the field with a game or season on the line? Eli Manning has been one of the premier chokers throughout his entire career. McNabb has been injured too many times to maintain any consistent ability to choke. You might have an argument that McNabb is playing injured and this could help him choke, but if he goes down then Andy Reid panics and gives the ball to Brian Westbrook more. When all the chips are down, Reid folds and becomes an actual football coach. Tom Coughlin on the other hand maintains his cool and chokes no matter the situation.

Eazy-C: Eli Manning just doesn't choke on the same level as McNabb. Did you watch those three straight NFC Championship games? The first two ended on McNabb picks, and he threw a couple to the Panthers as well. In the Super Bowl he threw three back-breaking picks. Eli Manning has this uncanny ability to suck all game, and then all of a sudden do incredible stuff. Witness last year's Eagles-Giants game, or even last week! And Reid certainly does not fold and become an actual football coach when the chips are down. He punts while losing inside 2 minutes. We saw against the Patriots and against the Seahawks that Reid can fold just when you need him to most. He just couldn't convince AJ Feeley not to throw picks inside the red zone while going for the game winning score. He's just not persuasive. I think Tom Coughlin's angry scowl is far more persuasive than Reid's red moustache.

Diphicult-B: You can't even compare Eli Manning and McNabb's ability to choke in late playoff games. Manning has never even gotten to a late round playoff game, so you can see that his ability to choke manifests itself far earlier than McNabb's. Besides just the quarterbacks and coaches, you have to pay credence to the fact that the Giants will be without their best player on Sunday...Winston Justice. Justice singlehandedly beat the Eagles earlier this season, but Thomas is back. Sure Runyan is always good for giving up one sack to Strahan, but without Justice's ability to give up 6 sacks to a single player, I don't see how the Giants can stay in this game.

Eazy-C: Don't underestimate Justice like that. He will find a way to unleash the Revolving Door of our Justice System game plan on the Giants, and I just don't see how the Giants will be prepared to lose against that. Finally, remember the rule that I live by: TIP. This is Philadelphia. We won't win, it won't happen. No way, no how. Remember 1983? I don't. I only know the time between. TIP.

One More Chance. Biggie, Give Me One More Chance.

2007-12-07T05:41:00.000-08:00

Finally, I have an excuse to get a Biggie reference in! Yes, "one more chance [Phillies] give me one more chance!"

That seems to be the story for the Phillies the past few years. Old man Conlin, between trips to the DR, over at PDN wrote an article dealing with an issue that many in the Philly community have been scratching their heads about: how come the Phillies love injured pitchers like fat kid love cake? (yes, a 50 reference, too!)

Conlin mostly talks about the Phillies recent (and failed) pursuit of Randy Wolf (Tommy John surgery) and mentions Freddy Garcia (right shoulder surgery). I would also like to point out some other pitchers to help bring this point home.

Tom Gordon. Flash had Tommy John surgery in 1999, forcing him to sit out in 2000. His numbers went down slightly since that surgery, however, he is no longer a closer and last year barely proved his merit as a set-up man.
Jon Lieber. Tommy John + Phillies = BFF 4eva!. Yup, Lieber had TJ surgery in 2002 and signed with the Phillies in 2005. Do I even have to go into how this man failed the Phillies both as a starter and a leader? Sheesh.
Antonio Alfonseca. In 2001 he had surgery to repair a herniated disc. This surgery was needed, most likely, because his enormous gut was constantly pulling on his back-- the human body wasn't built to carry 50 pounds of fried plantains and processed cervezas in the midsection. Phillies signed him this year. The last two years, he pulled in his worst ERAs and you never know what you are going to get with this six-fingered fella.

Coupled with the two mentioned by Conlin, interest in Kris Benson (surgery for torn rotator cuff in right shoulder), aquiring Travis Blackley (missed entire 2005 season because of left shoulder surgery), and a few other minor stories in the past several years, one has to wonder what drives the Phillies to take such a gamble? Conlin notes that it may be the fact that the Phillies aren't willing to put up the big bucks for buying undamaged goods. I tend to agree--maybe the Phillies should take a lesson from Notorious B.I.G. and the aforementioned song: to get the best, you have to be ready to spend:

So, what's it gonna be? him or me?
We can cruise the world with pearls,gator boots for girls
The envy of all women, crush linen
Cartier wrist, wear with diamonds in 'em
The finest women I love with a passion

I can write all day about this team's unwillingness to spend money and get the fine honies...

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Tom Coughlin: Or How I Learned to Stop Coaching Football and Make Stupid Faces

2007-11-28T09:22:00.000-08:00

It’s beyond the halfway point of the NFL season, and as you probably know from Eazy-C’s article a few weeks ago, that means it’s time for the inevitable NY Giants collapse. However, as a fan of the Giants, the Jets, and all things New York, I have to disagree with my Philadelphia counterpart as to who is really to blame for the Giants’ ability to lose at the end of a season. Brad Johnson, Trent Dilfer, and several other recent bad quarterbacks have led their teams to Superbowls, so I don’t think we can really blame Eli Manning. Instead, here are several reasons that Tom Coughlin is causing the Giants’ late season collapse.

Tom Coughlin is not fat: There really aren’t many uses for fat people, but they tend to do astonishingly well at coaching football teams, especially when it really matters. Bill Belichek, Andy Reid, Eric Mangini, Mike Holmgren, and Lovie Smith have all inspired their teams deep into the playoffs (or in the case of Mangini, not to suck when they were really really really bad last year). Basically, the only two coaches to achieve success recently without being fat were Tony Dungy and Bill Cowher. Tony Dungy doesn’t count because Peyton Manning is really like another coach while he’s on the field, and when you add their weights together you get an exceptionally fat coach. Bill Cowher is the only pure exception, but he’s like the Chuck Norris of NFL coaches, so there’s absolutely no way to compare him to Coughlin.
Tom Coughlin forgoes talent for players with funny names: Seriously, have you looked at the Giants’ roster? You have Plaxico, Amani, and Sinorice…and that is just the receivers. There are also Osi, Kawika, and Gibril on defense. Tom Coughlin also hired a fullback named Madison Hedgecock. If there is one position where you want a ridiculous, tough sounding name, wouldn’t it be your fullback? Seriously, I would be scared to have a fullback named Lorenzo coming to block me, but Madison Hedgecock just makes me want to laugh. I have a feeling that if there was a player named Xtapolapocetl after the Olmec God of War in next year’s draft, Tom Coughlin would trade his entire team to get the #1 draft pick just to take him.
Tom Coughlin is an anagram: If you rearrange the letters in Tom Coughlin you get “Cough…Tomlin”, which happens to be the name of the Steelers head coach. It is as if Coughlin himself was clearing his throat and hinting that the Giants should fire him and hire Mike Tomlin, doesn’t it?
Tom Coughlin hates New York: Before coming to the Giants, Coughlin coached for Boston College and the Eagles. Are there any cities that are fundamentally opposed to New York more than Philly and Boston? Tom Coughlin is a conspiracy sent to destroy the Giants by these cities.
Tom Coughlin refuses to trade for Winston Justice: Whenever Winston Justice is on the field, the Giants defense gets at least one sack per series. This means that the Giants should trade for Justice and put him on their defense. However, Tom Coughlin refuses to do this.

10 Worthwhile Things to Do This Sunday Night

2007-11-23T12:16:00.000-08:00

Given that the Iggles-Patsies game is the largest point spread in NFL history, and the Iggles are probably going without McNabb, I don't plan on wasting my evening or lungs on the game. Since the game is Nationally-televised, I consider it my duty to give the rest of the country worthwhile things to do, to avoid wasting their time watching the impending blowout. I just can't stand watching that happen to my team.

10. Read a book. Reading is proven to stop the onset of Alzheimer's. We're going to need a very long memory to remember when the Eagles were awesome, and had a shot at beating the Patriots.

9. Pay homage to Brian Dawkins. Unfortunately, it looks like God will be leaving us after this year. From his age, and his neck injury, its doubtful the Eagles will resign his Holiness. That really, really makes me sad. Just promise me you won't do celebrity wrestling, we don't want you to kill anyone, or your dignity.

8. Eat leftovers. Most likely, there's a lot of food still in the fridge from Turkey day. If you eat a lot of Turkey, there's a good thing you will fall asleep, and not feel guilty about missing the game. You were asleep, right?

7. Watch some old game footage. Remember when the Eagles beat the Falcons to make it into the Super Bowl? That was a great game, and much more enjoyable to watch. Or, you could watch the Eagles-Patriots Super Bowl, and when people walk by, they'll be like, Holy Crap! The Eagles are winning! No Way! The Patriots got Vinatieri back?! WOW!

6. Train for next season. I understand that the Eagles are going to have open try-outs for the revolving door position, I mean back-up left tackle. Work on your Winston Justice imitation, which involves getting a red cape, and pulling it away when the DE comes flying by.

5. Write a letter to Andy Reid. Dear Andy, Have you noticed that in games where McNabb hasn't been QB, the offense has done really well because we run the ball with Bryan Westbrook? Have you noticed this two years in a row now? Do you ever look at tape of the games? Ever?

4. Hit on some moms. This is apparently the key to coaching success. If you can get good a breaking up a marriage, maybe you can break up the marriage between the media and Tom Brady. That might be too diffi.... What was I saying, sorry, I was lost in his eyes again.

3. Play Madden. If you set the level easy enough, beating the Patriots with the Eagles is pretty simple. You could even run up the score almost as much as Belichik might. Almost.

2. Visit Andy Reid's kids in jail. This has been a tough time for them, and I'm sure they would appreciate the visitors. Given that they are now at least partially responsible for Andy's poor coaching this year, I'll bet they really would love some Eagles fans to come visit them. Because Eagles fans are usually so friendly in these situations. I wonder if batteries are contraband...

1. Make fun of the Redskins. We may be doing badly, and about to be creamed by the Patriots, but the Redskins REALLY got crushed by the Patriots. Its also almost certain that the Redskins will finish last in the division again. Its incredible how they can go out and spend tons of money getting expensive players every year, turn them into crap, and make a Hall of Fame coach look like Andy Reid.

Giants Thankful For Eli Manning to Blame Second Half Collapse

2007-11-19T11:24:00.000-08:00

Given their performance in the second half of recent seasons, the Giants are already looking for excuses for the inevitable. Players are already practicing their excuses before the collapse begins.

“Nagging injuries are the pansy way to blame losses,” claims oft-injured running back Brandon Jacobs. “That's not how we do things on the Giants. Eli is always to blame. Its really easy too, because he never resists. He also never resists when we tie him to the goalpost in just his underwear.”

“We had to do something with the Kiwanuka situation,” said Osi Umenyiora. “We've all been really impressed with him making the transition to linebacker, but we just don't have faith in his commitment to our late season collapse. I felt the only thing we could do was break his leg. With Tony Soprano's close relationship with the Jets, I didn't think I could count on him, I had to do it myself ”

Tom Coughlin is happy that criticism of him is often deflected to Eli. “This year, when I give thanks, I'm going to be thankful for Eli, for making it look like I'm not completely to blame for the Giants terrible performance in the second half of the season.”

When asked what their plans were for the second half of the season, Coughlin said, “We've been working hard on this, and I've got plenty of stupid play calls that will allow me to show my really angry face. I've been working on that in front of the mirror a lot. The problem is that the rest of the NFC is always so bad. We're really gonna have to dig deep this year. Fortunately, Tiki Barber came in this week to give us some tips for the collapse. He's always been pretty helpful for team chemistry.”

“I don't really like playing in the playoffs,” backup Quarterback Jared Lorenzen indicated, “I'm much happier sitting at home watching the game, having some cheeseburgers, cheesecake, fried cheese, and anything that approaches my face. This year, when I'm consuming my third turkey, I'm going to be happy that Eli makes me look like a decent quarterback.”

Eli isn't sure if he's ready for the second half collapse to begin though. “Usually I'm really pumped for us to start blowing games. This year is different though. I just got some blood tests back, and I'm apparently not related to Peyton. Since my whole career has been based on these comparisons, I don't really know what to believe in anymore. I'm pretty depressed right now. I just can't get motivated for this. After practice, the team usually enjoys watching me dress up in a Red Riding Hood outfit, but I was pretty lackluster in my prancing today. The team really let me know by waiting an extra half hour before they took me down from the goalpost. I'm sure I will find a way to collapse, just need to get motivated again. Once Plaxico fails to reach out enough to catch a pass, I'm sure I'll be ready to go again.”

Plaxico Burress could not be reached for comment on this.

Phootball, Philly Style!

2007-11-19T07:37:00.000-08:00

I wrote earlier about the Sons of Ben (SoB), a booster club, if you will, for getting a Major League Soccer team to the city of Philadelphia. Well, those SoB's made a trip down 95 yesterday to go see the Houston Dynamo defeat the New England Revolution here in DC for the MLS Cup. First, a brief accounting of what happened and then some thoughts on soccer, the SoB, and Philly.

Because I am a transplanted Philadelphian here in our nation's capital, I did not, obviously, partake in the bus ride the SoB had from Philly to DC. So my friend and I met the gang in the lot. It was easy spot them in their powder blue shirts (the SoB took their color scheme from the flag of the city of Philadelphia). I got my tickets and then into line for food at the tailgate. After waiting in line for about 8 minutes, I look over to see the media interviewing several of the SoB leadership and everyone in the group began chanting and cheering. I knew this was going to be a great day.

After downing two hot dogs, a hamburger (which was delicious) and 3 or 4 beers, we headed towards the stadium. This is where the real fun began. Dressed in SoB shirts and scarves, we marched towards RFK with one waiving a full sized Philly flag, another beating a bass drum, and several others leading chants. We chanted "Phil-a-del-phia!," clapped along to the drum beat, and sang the official song of SoB, the Irish folk tune, "I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover." We were like an army of eager, soccer hungry hooligans ready to show MLS, their fan base, and anyone watching the game on ABC that we were from Philly and, damnit, we want a soccer team!

After checking in at the gates, and marching through the halls of the toilet bowl known as RFK, we found ourselves in a field of New England Revolution fans. At some points during the game we were able to overtake their chants of "Rev-o-lu-tion" with "Phil-a-del-phia." . Pathetic. Most of us there were in agreement, it seemed, that the Revs did not deserve to win this game. The Red Sox already won the World Series, the Pats are going to win the Super Bowl, and the Celtics look like they may give the Western Conference a run for their money. Plus, I hate Massholes.

The Dynamo were trailing most of the game 1-0. It wasn't until the second half that they awoke and were lucky enough to score two goals to top the Revs. To be honest, the Dynamo didn't deserve to win the game. They were not sealing any deals in the box; but the Revs just seemed to roll over in the second half. Nonetheless, I think the most satisfying highlight of the day was, after the game, when a Rev fan (a woman in her 40s), was crying as she was walking by our loud and still-cheering section. She stopped, turned towards us with tears in her eyes, and blurted out, "You are all horrible people! Why are you here?! You don't have a team and you just want to see us loose?! You are horrible!"

Yes, folks, that is exactly why I love SoB. Not because we make middle-aged women from Stamford, Connecticut cry, but because we bond. We bond around our great city, we bond around hope--in this case hope for having a team, not for having a championship (just yet, anyway)-- and we bond around one another. It is hard to find that in any sport, or any other city in this country. Those in SoB don't even have a team yet, but are ever-eager to cheer on a phantom entity through their love of one great city. This trait was further highlighted by the fact that there were absolutely no signs yesterday that fans from Seattle, the city receiving the next MLS team, were there. I hope MLS took note of that.

Below are some photos from a wonderful day. If you haven't joined or took a look at SoB yet, I suggest that you do.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Nutter Butter... But is Nutter Better?

2007-11-17T12:07:00.000-08:00

The votes are in and Michael Nutter is the next mayor of the great city of Philadelphia. He stomped the GOP candidate, Al Taubenburger. Disclaimer up front: I voted for Nutter in the Democratic Primary this spring, basically helping to ensure his mayoralship. Overall, I do think he was the best candidate out there. Fattah and Brady have been too removed down in DC, and the others didn't have nearly as enough insight into City Hall.

More importantly, the selection of Mayor-Elect Nutter means that, soon enough, there will no longer be any John Street! Nutter has more class, more composure, and more intelligence than Street. Therefore, overall, I welcome Nutter. He knows his shit.

Yet, this week, I was slightly shocked to learn that he went outside of the Philadelphia Police Department this week to tap former DC Chief, Charles Ramsey. Living in DC for the past 7 years, I can speak somewhat to Ramsey's effectiveness. Let me start, right off the bat, that crime was lowered during his tenure. The amount of murders in this city, in the last 8 years, dropped steadily. He had to take one of the murder capitals of this country and helped turn it into one of the best cities on the eastern seaboard.

Photo courtesy of DCist.

Yet, it wasn't entirely him that led to the decrease in murders, and several other categories of crime. Behind those numbers is the gentrification/yuppie-fication of DC. DC's job market has constantly gotten larger over the last several years. The federal government, the defense industry and the consulting industry have provided many opportunities to the younger generation to come to DC. From this influx, property values in the city sky-rocketed, thus forcing the seedier elements of the city out to Prince George's County, Maryland and even a few parts of Virginia. Ramsey deserves credit, but is he ready for the current murder capital of the US? Is he ready for handling several hundred more police officers? Is he ready to deal with true neighborhoods and not have to deal with [as many] tourists or security details for the Vice president? Is he ready to take hold of a city where racism has embedded in its neighborhoods for generations? I don't think so.

I talked with an acquaintance of mine who works for the DC Metropolitan Police Department this week. The contact said that the thing many don't see with Ramsey is that he destroyed the morale of the police department. He gave too much control to outside sources (e.g., city hall and the Department of Justice) and he was not able to relate to the general population of the force, particularly through his policies. This does not sound good for a police department that has currently seen a spike in shootings towards those in uniform.

Alternatively, I think that Nutter took a misstep here. He should have stayed inside PPD. I think that the city, its force, and the FOPs in Philly will slowly begin to see that Nutter made the wrong choice in going towards a foreigner who has a poor track record with force morale and, possibly, misleading numbers on his resume.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Zubaz: Back just in time for Christmas

2007-11-08T12:50:00.000-08:00

I am usually reluctant to accept the increasingly early "shove it down your throat" coming of Christmas each year. I am just going to go as Santa Claus for Halloween next year to make sense of everything. But this year, I think I am going to have to hop on board simply to start hyping up what I want from Jolly Ol' Saint Nick.

That's right, zubaz is back in 2007! Although as some who live in Northeast Philly (e.g., the Eagles fan above) will attest to, zubaz never left us. I have some fond memories of this clothing trend of the early 90s. Usually the print came on parachute pants (a la MC Hammer). I actually owned a zubaz eagles winter hat. I didn't like it that much; and you know when a nine year old who lets his mother still dress him up for Easter doesn't like something, it usually isn't going to be a mainstay down the cat-walk.

The company's website has this to say about the comeback of zubaz:

A generation ago, the clothing line was just as much an expression of attitude as it is today. With bold patterns and creative designs in every color imaginable, fans of every sport and activity could find a color to satisfy even the most outrageous fanatic appetite.

Call me traditional, but I prefer to satisfy my "outrageous fanatic appetite" with wings and beer--not clothing that I would seriously debate wearing out on Halloween (hmm, maybe a Santa in red zubaz next year?).

They continue:

Be the first in your group of friends to declare your rekindled passion for Zubaz and offer unrestrained support to your favorite sports team and sporting-like activity.

Unrestrained support for clothing? Are you supposed to wear these things comando? Not that such a suggestion is a problem--I am sure some people are hung like zebras out there...
Finally, what is "sporting-like activity"? Darts? Eating those wings and drinking that beer? Ping pong? Playing for the WNBA?

Such advertising genius aside, I am sold. In March I will be looking forward towards the comeback of overalls (with one strap undone, of course).

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Don't Go Breakin' My Heart: Can Our Emotions Handle One More Philly Pro Team?

2007-10-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

Being raised on the Phillies and Eagles is tough enough. And, yes, if the Flyers and Sixers got hot, it was nice to get caught up in their seasons (usually the post season only for me). Hell, I even tried to get into the Kixx when they started up several years ago. The only new Philly teams I wouldn't get on board for were the Soul (despite my love for Bon Jovi and Jaws) and the lax team, the Wings.

Well, as the great '80s band Quaterflash once sang, "I'm gonna harden my heart / I'm gonna swallow my tears," as Philadelphia is almost certain to become a new home for Major League Soccer by 2010.

Let's think about both sides here:

We now have a new team to put us through the ringer; we now have another squad to toy with our emotions; we now have more fodder for the sports radio talk shows (who already aren't even open to soccer); and we now have another front office to turn a blind eye to both reason and the ever-supporting fans. But, on the flip side, think about it, Philly sports fans, there are also some benefits: we now have (another) team to look forward towards after the Eagles blow the post-season; we now have another excuse to have our fan base act like those rowdy European and Latin American soccer fans; we now have justification for forcing soccer moms to transport their kids 50 miles to that EPYSA traveling team game in Horsham.

And, above all, we now have another team that we can innocently lend our hearts to. Growing up after 1983, there will still be a part of us waiting only to have the MLS team bicycle-kick it down the field. But you know what? It seems such a modus operandi is now the calling card of the Philly sports fan; so why not just ignore the possibility of future heartbreak, harden' those hearts, swallow those tears, and embrace a new sporting culture in the city? I, for one, certainly will!

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

KFC: Finger-Lickin' Good Receiving

2007-10-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

The number one receiver for the Eagles assuring (but not awe-inspiring) win was Kevin Curtis (from here on out KFC). He was hit by McNabb five times for 121 yards. So far this year, Curtis is, on paper, the Eagles #1 wide-out, with an average of 18.5 yards per reception (as opposed to 10.1 for Reggie Brown). While the Eagles offense struggled to score in the red zone yesterday (or at all for that matter), he had the team's only TD.

I think now it is easy to make the case that the new man to watch on the receiving corps is KFC, or (as has been cleverly noted by my colleague, Mr. Buddy) Kevin "F*cking" Curtis. The Colonel would be proud of this guy who has four TDs and is second only to Brian Westbrook in producing for the Bird's offense. He is already more than half-way past his career record for TDs in a season. Watch out for this guy...

And that's the tripple-truth, Ruth!

An Hommage to the Freak

2007-10-15T08:07:00.001-07:00

Here's to you Jevon Kearse. You registered your 2nd and a half sack of the season yesterday against the Jets. You came in with such promise, and so highly touted from the Titans. You registered 14.5 sacks your rookie year in the NFL, and you now have only 21 sacks for the Eagles almost mid-way through your 4th season of your tenure.

Today, we salute you, the Freak Show, as we announce your pass into mediocrity. A career with so much promise, is now relegated to a has-been, and could-have-been. Perhaps injuries kept you from achieving your best. What is certain, is that the Eagles will be without a pass rush into the foreseeable future.

The Eagles improved to 9-0 against the Jets throughout the history of their storied rivalry, thanks in large part to the play of Chad Pennington, the Eagles best player. Yesterday's game might be the most underrated Eagles performance in memory. The Eagles had over 400 yards of offense in the game, and their defense played well most of the game, especially in the red zone. Keep in mind the Eagles missed two field goals, had a Westbrook TD taken off the board, a dropped pass in the end zone, and another TD knocked away by a great play by the Jets secondary. The Eagles were also deep in Jets territory when the game ended. The score was a lot closer than the actual game was.

McNabb decided that he would finally like to throw the ball to Reggie Brown, who looked solid. Curtis was incredible, but Brian Westbrook's performance was really under appreciated. He consistently turned short gains into moderate gains, have 120 rushing yards, and put the game away with some amazing rushing at the end.

Being at the game, I must say, I have really gained an appreciation for Eagles fans. The Jets fans could not have been more lackluster. It never seemed like any of them really cared about the game. The few Eagles fans at the game actually seemed like they were louder than the Jets fans. The Jets fans were leaving during the 3rd quarter. It was a two score game with over a quarter to play!!!!! They were also leaving with over 2 minutes to go in a 1 score game!!! Apparently, their dinner reservations and avoiding traffic were more important. This would never have happened in Philadelphia.

2007-10-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

No Love for Chuckles

2007-10-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

Well, the Phillies signed Charlie Manual (aka Uncle Cholly, aka Chuckles, aka Big Hick) to a two year extension. Fantastic. Let me say something here right from the start: I was never on board with Charlie when he came on board and, after three years of mediocrity, I am still not convinced. I think this recent decision was a stupid mistake on part of the management, especially considering they did it all so quickly.

After hearing the news, and then the arguments in support of Chuckles, I will run down some of the arguments in support of him. I will then debunk them. Shall we?

1. He held a team together with over a dozen people on the DL and then got them to the post-season.

It wasn't Charlie who got this team to the post-season with all of the injuries--if anything, it was the players and some luck from a horrible Mets team. The man is NOT a good manager and this is not Cleveland several years ago. He has two main problems. First is his general view of the game: Charlie made some real bone-headed decisions over the course of the season regarding player playing time (e.g., Barajas, Helms). This also includes game-altering decisions. The most recent being game 2 of the NLDS where he pulled Kyle Kendrick (aka KKK--the extra "K" is for strike out... or savings!). His small ball is even worse, although it has gotten better since the end of August (so there is still hope!). He is a slave to the pitch count and between him and third base coach Steve Smith, you might as well either paint bulls-eyes on the back of the players going into third or home or have every player give up and stop at first after smacking the ball.

2. There is nothing else good out there.

Bull shit. First off, lets see what Torre, Girardi and LaRussa end up doing. We signed Charlie not even one week after the end of our season. We should have at least seen what shook out. Moreover, the logic of this argument is flawed. You don't automatically retain someone because there is nothing out there at the moment. If we extend this paradigm to the Phillies pitching woes, then I guess we can expect Liber and Garcia back in 2008.

3. Now we can focus on our pitching problems./This isn't as big of a deal as the pitching.

First off, this is a straw-man argument. We are talking about the talent at the skipper position and you want to say that people like myself are ignoring the pitching/3B problem? No, no, no. Just because we have other problems doesn't mean the country bumpkin gets a free pass.

Furthermore, Pat Gillick is a pretty smart guy (but see: Barajas, Eaton, Garcia). I am sure he can chew gum and walk at the same time.

4. Sure Charlie isn't the smartest guy, as far as managers go, but...

This one is a favorite of alot of people out there. I am still waiting for the end of this sentence from the Charlie apologists. BUT WHAT?! But he is a class act? So is Harry Kalas (as far as baseball personalities go). Are we going to pull him down from the booth because he knows a little bit of baseball and people can rally around/for him? I don't think so. Face the music: with the dearth of talent we have on this team coming back next year, we need someone who can tactically utilize it in order to make sure we don't have another sub-.300 April.

5. The players step up and play for him.

Of course. J-Roll, Utley, Hamels, Rowand, et al. play for Charlie...wait for it, wait for it... because they are players! That is what they do! They play the game; it just so happens they play for Charlie because he is the team's manager. Baseball players are, overall, one of the most motivated groups of professional athletes in American sports. They will play for anyone at the helm. The baseball season is so long that it is easy for almost any team to develop a close or comfy relationship with their manager. Therefore, there is no need to resign someone for two whole years because they have already eager men rally around him. Plus, think about it: if we have a manager who knows how to make good decisions in the nine innings given to him, think how much more these guys will want to play for that manager? Maybe enough to win a championship?

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

Met Dirtbags Deserve Fate

2007-10-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

I just wanted this for civilian research purposes...

Apparently, there is some justice in sports. Mets reliever Scott Schoeneweis is under investigation for illegal distribution of steroids. Not only did he receiver steroids for himself, but its possible that he distributed them to others on the team. I don't think I need to apologize for not feeling bad for the Mets failing to make the playoffs. This is a team that consists of Billy Wagner and Tom Glavine in addition to Schoeneweis. Wagner burned the Phillies, and Glavine refused to join the Phillies because he didn't like the people who were on the team. Could there be more poetic justice for this team? The Mets deserve their fate, and I'm happy to see them fail.

Whoomp There It Is: Philly Phlashback to 1993

2007-10-02T08:13:00.000-07:00

I am still in a state of shock. I pinch myself, but I still am not as siked as I should be. Was it the past 14 years that has made me so hardened that I can no longer accept the fact that the Philaelphia Phillies are the 2007 NL East Champions? Am I so jaded that I can not believe the experts who are calling for the Phillies to win the pennant ? Or am I so used to abandoning the Phillies for the Eagles just as easily as the leaves change color and fall to the ground?

Well, whatever the reason, it is time to forget about it and get with the program. I am sure reality will settle in Wednesday afternoon. But how will it settle in? The last time the Phillies won the NL East, and subsequently made it to the World Series, I was in 6th grade. I was done with all of my major sacraments (yea, Philly parochial schools!), thinking about potential high schools, and how to turn that innocent game of recess tag into a slow dance (to "Always and Forever" by Heatwave, of course) at the next school dance. But, instead of taking you down the memory lane that involves my awkward encounters with the chicas, I think it would be more beneficial (and less embarrassing) to turn towards that fantastic year of 1993 and also see what has changed since then.

I remember those fine fall days, and my family rallying around the team as the season winded down. I also remember my 6th grade teacher making special time for our ad hoc art classes to make signs for the Phillies. No, my friends, these were not your standard macaroni, glue and construction paper messes that mom hung on the fridge only to have half fall off and the other half get partially eaten by the dog; these were awesome projects that involved markers (I still get high off the fumes today), #2 mechanical pencils, and yes, even some felt.

My favorite sign that I made had a crossed-out tomahawk logo and the great mantra of the season: "STOP THE CHOP!" No, I was not a bleeding-heart liberal in the 6th grade, sensitive to the causes of Native Americans, but rather an 11 year old lad programed by my environment that the only thing worse on God's green earth than a Braves fan is a Dallas Cowgirls fan.

Wow, I miss that year. In fact, I still have my extra-large foam boxing glove that said "Phighting Phils" on it. Downstairs I still have a frame containing all of the front pages of the Inqy and Daily News proclaiming the Phils winning the NL East, and their steps to win the NL pennant. I still have the Inqy pull-outs of shots of the team (this one is in my office). Nails, Dutch, Kruker, Inqy (as in Pete, not the paper), Hollins--the mullet never looked so good on a professional sports team!

If these names have not brought up memories of that year, perhaps this video will. It was the official song of the 1993 Phillies, "Whoomp There It Is" by Tag Team:

This song definitely needs to make a comeback. In fact, I am only listening to this song on my iPod for the next few weeks. I'm taking you back to the old school, cause I'm an old fool.

After a little research, I saw what was big during 1993. How about a little stroll down memory lane as we compare then and now?

1993: Coach, starring Craig T. Neilson, is one of the most popular sit-coms.
2007: Sit-com? Who needs Dauber when you have Andy Reid in real life?

1993: Women loved to wear big hoop earrings and big bangs. Gap hoodies were starting to become all the rage.
2007: As far as I can tell, such is still the case in Roxborough and North-east Philly.

1993: Microsoft releases Windows 3.11.
2007: I have waaaaay too much porn on my computer. Windows 3.11 would crash.

1993: The Disney film, Aladdin, scores big at the box office and at the Grammy's. The film, supposedly about the ancient Middle East, has a blue genie and a talking parrot.
2007: The U.S. is still attempting to figure out what the Middle East is really like.

1993: Slick Willie is sworn into office as the 42nd President of the United States.
2007: Hillary Clinton is turning out to be just as, if not more, slick than hubby.

1993: Cowboys win Super Bowl XXVII.
2007: F*ck the Cowboys!

1993: Mrs. Doubtfire and Indecent Proposal top the box office.
2007: Senator Larry Craig found a way to combine both scripts into a real-life story.

1993: Christian nut jobs have a meeting in Waco, Texas.
2007: Christian nut jobs have a meeting in Salt Lake City, Utah.

1993: Meatloaf's "I'd Do Anything For Love" tops the charts.
2007: We still don't know what the hell he was talking about, but it certainly wasn't realizing your career stinks and retiring.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth!

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Winston Justice Revolving Door Company Officially Open for Business

2007-10-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

If Winston Justice opened up a bar, I imagine every underage kid would be in line. It would be the easiest spot in the city to get into. Weren't we really excited about him a couple years ago?

Jimmy Rollins' Mother is Miss Cleo

2007-09-30T14:51:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy of Bugs and Cranks

Remember this prediction by J-Rol? I sure do. The Mets sure did.

Well those same Mets just blew it all and the Phighting Phillies of 2007 are off to the playoffs this week for the first time in 14 years! More on this team and the playoffs in the coming days.

And that's the tripple-truth, Ruth.

Alternate Reality

2007-09-18T09:03:00.000-07:00

This is surreal. Brian Dawkins was laying on the ground, injured, and Jason Campbell is now considered a quarterback who doesn’t completely suck. I’m not ready to live in this world, I’m just not.

RESULT: As opposed to last week when we lost to a bad team that played badly, we lost to a mediocre team that played mediocre. A slight upgrade. Our offensive line opened up plenty of running lanes against their mediocre defensive front. They didn’t get much pressure on McNabb. Their offensive line didn’t do a great job protecting Campbell or getting pushes off the line. Despite the media frenzy, Campbell played just ok, making only two good throws the whole game, the deep ball to Moss early on, and the touchdown to Cooley. He did miss a wide open free touchdown near the end that would have sealed the game. Their wide receivers also dropped several passes.

CAUSE: I don’t care what the media says about Jason Campbell’s performance. I don’t care how many shots they show of the wide receivers being covered. We lost because McNabb has not fully recovered from his injury yet, and Andy Reid insists on putting the game on his shoulders. Despite the fact that Brian Westbrook is clearly the best player on the offense right now, and was playing incredibly well, Reid had McNabb throw 46 passes and only gave Westbrook 17 carries! 46, 17. 46, 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The wide receivers were getting open. On a couple plays they were covered, but that is to be expected over the course of a football game. They were open often enough, McNabb just overthrew them a lot. Kevin Curtis was really open on that 3^rd down play that should have scored the touchdown to give the Eagles a chance to tie the game. McNabb just could not deliver passes the way he usually does, a sign that he has not recovered. Of course, the biggest sign was that McNabb has cinder blocks for legs and couldn’t outrun any player on the Redskins team, which he used to be able to do all the time.

EAGLE LAWS (see last week’s post, Eagles Football 101):

Law 1: The “Jake Plummer” Rule. Whoever the Eagles are playing, however washed up, young, overrated, unproven, or just plain bad, will have a career day.

Jason Campbell didn’t have an amazing performance, but it is certainly the performance of his career to date.

Law 2: The “Immaculate Kick” Rule. No opposing kicker, no matter who it is, even Scott Norwood, will ever miss a field goal against the Eagles. Ever.

The Redskins made both of their field goals, which puts the total at 20 straight field goals made against the Eagles. 20!!!!

Law 3: The “Mike Martz” Rule. The presence of Donovan McNabb in the game is inversely proportional to the amount of Eagles running plays.

46, 17!!!!!!!!!

Law 4: The “Tim Donaghy” Rule. The refs will never help the Eagles out. Never.

The refs actually called the game pretty fair. Although, they did call a fumble on Jason Avant, which we won on a challenge. Those zebras are always trying. So sneaky.

Law 5: The “Hieroglyphic Playbook” Rule. The Eagles play calling will always be incomprehensible.

46, 17!!!!!!!!! Why can’t we ever just run teams over in the red zone? What’s the point of having Andrews and Runyan on the right side if you can’t use them to get tough yards in the red zone?

Note: There has been some discussion about “Takeo Spikes Theory.” Prior to the game they showed a stat about how Spikes has played more games without making the playoffs than any other player. The Bills got worse when he joined a team that many thought had a legitimate title shot. The Bengals were better after he left. The Eagles are now 0-2 with him, after winning the division last year. I’m not ready to call this a law yet, but its getting pretty close.

DID YOU NOTICE…

McNabb and Reggie Brown have absolutely no chemistry together? Brown has been amazing with Mike McMahon and Jeff Garcia. Brown and McNabb just can’t get it together.
William James actually looked pretty good? A nice interception, and generally, pretty good coverage. The only exception was that long catch to Moss. I’ll be happy to have Lito back, but James did a good job.
We won the turnover battle and the time of possession was basically even at 30-30? Yet we managed to find a way to lose.
McNabb had 4.6 yards per passing attempt? That is not franchise quarterback material, its just not.
How well-shaven Jaws was? I'm putting all my money in Schick stocks. Man, that was a close shave.
The amazing Brian Dawkins video beforehand comparing him to the Wolverine? Can we have new installments of that every week? Please?

MOVING ON: To help us deal with the agony of this loss, HBO is going to air an interview between McNabb and James Brown about whether black quarterbacks face more criticism. According to ESPN, James Brown asked McNabb if the media is more critical of him than white quarterbacks such as Carson Palmer and Peyton Manning. McNabb’s response: "Let me start by saying I love those guys. But they don't get criticized as much as we do. They don't."

I don’t buy that for a second. Peyton Manning has been the most dominant and productive quarterback in recent memory, perhaps ever. And yet, because he kept losing to the Patriots he faced relentless criticism every year. You couldn’t mention Peyton Manning without someone talking about how he couldn’t win the big game.

A brief survey of the NFL shows that McNabb’s point is ridiculous. The most noticeable black quarterbacks that have been criticized by the media: Daunte Culpepper, Michael Vick, Marcus Vick, Quincy Carter, and Akili Smith. Great company to be in. Daunte Culpepper couldn’t get it done in Minnesota with Randy Moss, or in Miami with Chris Chambers, Marty Booker, and Randy McMichael. Michael Vick has herpes, sets up rape stands for dogs, and can’t throw the ball within 15 yards of his receivers. Marcus Vick is a huge headcase that gave alcohol to underage girls, and also not very talented. Quincy Carter was atrocious in Dallas and a drug user. Akili Smith was one of the greatest draft busts of all time. Geez, why would the media be critical of those guys? Must be because they are black quarterbacks.

Meanwhile, the media hasn’t been very critical of mediocre black quarterbacks like Jason Campbell, David Garrard, and Byron Leftwich. Vince Young has received insane amounts of media support despite being just above average. He’s even on the cover of Madden! Meanwhile, Chad Pennington faces criticism all the time, despite consistently delivering for the Jets.

If Mascots Could Speak: Words of Wisdom from the Philly Phanatic

2007-09-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

Wow, the Phillies swept the Mets (again) over the weekend!!! Yet I am not placing any bets on them at this point. The Phillies do this to me every year.

But, with the Phillies' year starting to wind down, I thought it is time to pay some tribute to the best mascot, bar none, in all of sports: the Philly Phanatic. I grew up watching this green, rotund cheerleader--he was one of my favorite childhood memories. I still have his autographed photo and, yes, I still drop everything today when at the Bank during his trips out to the field. He is hilarious and, dare I say it, a national treasure.

So, with that said, I was always curious as to what the Phanatic would say if he could talk. As most know, the Phanatic's charm comes from his non-verbal body language. But if he could speak, what would he say? Inquiring minds want to know. Well, here's the top ten things he would say if he could talk. (You can add yours in the comments.)

10. For the last time, NO! I will not go on Dancing with the Stars with Chris Wheeler!

9. I don't know how this is possible, but Charlie Manual's gut is larger than mine!

8. I'm not one to spread rumours, but I heard the San Diego Chicken has a "wide stance" if ya know what I mean...

7. Why do people always mention Sigmund Freud when I whip out the hot dog cannon?

6. I always make sure to keep an eye on Pheobe when Brett Myers is around.

5. Tommy Lasorda hits like a girl.

4. Even though I don't speak, I still make more sense than Gary Matthews when he actually opens up his mouth, as well.

3. Did you know Ed Wade almost traded me to Seattle for the Mariner Moose and a box of Cracker Jacks?

2. So you're the new Phillies ball girl, eh? Did the rest of the ladies tell you about the initiation you have to do with Larry Anderson, me, and a can of whipped cream?

1. I'm not really green, I have just been holding my breath since we won our last World Series.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth.

Revenge of the Nerds: Science Foils Conservatives Once Again

2007-09-12T03:32:00.000-07:00

One of the most shocking moments of the 2008 presidential campaign I have observed so far was during the first Republican debate when three of the candidates raised their hands and said that they do not believe in evolution. Wow. What back-woods out-house were you born in Brownback? Tancredo? Actually don't answer that--I've heard enough about Republicans, wide stances, and restrooms. Come on, you Bible-bangers, even the Catholic Church has left open the opportunity for evolution. Yes, the same Mother Church that believes the sun danced around the earth, but locked up scientists for believing the opposite, scientifically-proven fact.

Well, sorry conservatives, nerds have spoiled your fun yet again. One of the more quiet battle cries of the Republican party is that their conservative ideals (e.g., heterosexual marriage and even gun control) are rightfully embedded in Anglo-American thought. Basically, their ideals have been inherent in human operations since the beginning of Western civilization and it is those wacky, liberal Democrats who are breaking with the status quo and allowing society to turn into New Sodom.

Well, not according to science. A new study found in Nature Neuroscience has concluded that the way a conservative's brain functions is discernibly different than the way a liberal's brain functions. If you want to put the cart before the proverbial horse: the way we are born, and the way we have our hardware wired determines out political leanings--not our environment or upbringing. As the study put it:

...our results are consistent with the view that political orientation, in part, reflects individual differences in the functioning of a general mechanism related to cognitive control and self-regulation.

What these lab rats are trying to say is that their tests attempted to see how a person reacts, in the brain, when their habitual response to a certain situation is mismatched against a response that is actually required by that situation. Wha? Hey, read the study yourself. There is a reason I went into law and not science. They found that those who claim to be liberal have brains that are more apt to adapt to these conflicting scenarios. This would all, therefore, explain why liberals are usually more prone to change.

Moreover, conservatives are less responsive when their brain faces a conflict. Well, this would certainly explain alot. Could our faulty policy in Iraq be because Bush's brain is slow to respond to conflicts in his head? You'd think the cocaine he did would have helped speed up reaction time in the old noggin.

I would like to point out the big caveat that the lab coats did as well: this only partially explains of one's political ideology. For example, most city-dwellers are Democrats. The explanation is mostly due to their belief that rights associated with economic justice and labor, rights relevant to living in a urban area, are important. These rights are typically associated with Democratic and liberal thought. It is hard to say, on the other hand, that everyone in Philly thinks that way because those in the city limits have a certain brain condition. There is more to this story: those of us who grew up in the city align with liberal thought more because we grew up in an environment that called for answers to problems associated with the working man and the poor.

Although, on second though, a brain condition would explain why we keep thinking the Phillies are going to make it to the post season.

And that's the triple-truth, Ruth.

Eagles Football 101

2007-09-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

Those who are surprised by the results of this weekend’s loss to an inferior Green Bay Packers team, that had no running game, no wide receivers, terrible quarterback play, no run defense, and minimal pass protection, need a refresher course in the immutable laws of Eagles football.

Law 1: The “Jake Plummer” Rule. Whoever the Eagles are playing, however washed up, young, overrated, unproven, or just plain bad, will have a career day. Jake Plummer would always play amazingly well as an Arizona Cardinal against us, but then be atrocious afterwards. See his performance in Denver for more examples of his ineptitude.

Law 2: The “Immaculate Kick” Rule. No opposing kicker, no matter who it is, even Scott Norwood, will ever miss a field goal against the Eagles. Ever. This explains Matt Bryant’s 62-yard field goal against the Birds last year, and Mason “Bing” Crosby’s 3/3 performance against the Eagles, including a 52 yarder, and a 42 yard overtime field goal. I actually ran the stats on this, and saw that Eagles opponents have made 18 straight field goals against the Eagles, including the two playoff games. You have to reach back to the Nov. 12 game against the Redskins where Nick Novak missed a 48-yarder.

Law 3: The “Mike Martz” Rule. The presence of Donovan McNabb in the game is inversely proportional to the amount of Eagles running plays. Notice that the amount of running plays is not directly proportional to the success of the running game. Rather, it is inversely proportional to whether McNabb is on the field. Andy Reid just has this weird psychological condition that inhibits from keeping a good thing going. My only explanation is that he is related to Mike Martz some how. This explains why the Eagles ran so much last year, when McNabb was out, but did not continue running the ball on Sunday, despite the fact that they were getting over 4 yards a carry.

Law 4: The “Tim Donaghy” Rule. The refs will never help the Eagles out. Never. This does not mean that they will always call everything unfairly against the Eagles, but the Eagles will never catch a break. This explains the flurry of penalties in the beginning of the game against the Birds, but none against the Pack. This also explains why, even though Brent Celek recovered the fumble at the end of the game, the refs still gave it to the Pack.

Law 5: The “Hieroglyphic Playbook” Rule. The Eagles play calling will always be incomprehensible. This explains why the Eagles opened up the game with a play action and then a flea flicker without having run the ball once. This is particularly confusing since both plays depend on selling the run to work. This rule also explains two other interesting phenomena: 1) Why the Eagles have such a tendency to throw consecutive bombs on 2^nd and 1 and 3^rd and 1. 2) Why the Eagles called two straight swing passes to Brian Westbrook at second and goal inside the 6. Mind you, not screens, swing passes. Of course, the Eagles failed to get a TD, and had to settle for a field goal.

What is most concerning about this loss is that we lost to a bad team who played badly. Its expected that bad teams will play well every now and then, which we are very familiar with (see the “Jake Plummer” Rule), but the Packers are a bad team who looked even worse than they really are. Their running back averaged less than 3 yards a carry! Brett Favre threw ill-advised pass after pass. We also had every chance to win this game, getting the ball in Green Bay territory, with a tie, with 4 minutes to go. Of course, Law 5 struck in this moment. The Eagles decided to give the ball to Buckhalter, despite the fact that Westbrook had the hot hand. Then on 2^nd and 14, the Eagles decided to show their commitment to the run. Most people would find this shocking, but I would refer you to Law 5.

It is obviously inexcusable that the Eagles would fumble two punt returns. See my last two posts (the Kimo and the Bloom posts) for me calling for this to happen. While I realize that my endorsement of cutting Bloom doesn’t look so good now, I did indicate a disaster was coming. If we just ran punt block every time, and had no one back to catch the ball, we would have won that game. Brian Westbrook should just come in and fair catch it every time.

Who I Be & What I Does

2007-09-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone:

This is my inaugural post! Pretty excited, eh? I know you have been reading my witty and insightful comments over at Deadspin and Wonkette, but were wondering "When will this blog genius begin to give us his own postings?" Well I was going to wait until Tuesday, so I could give Kanye and 50 a run for their money (fuck Chesney and country), but my work week is quite taxing and now was as good of a time as any. I was also thinking of charging people to see my postings and giving the money to my charity, the Muscular Dystrophy Association, especially since Jerry Lewis pretty much guaranteed they won't be receiving anything for a while. But, as you will see, I am a man of the people and a believer in the "marketplace of ideas." I'll keep my two cents free.

From what S&I's owner, Philly Phlash, told me, this is a blog about Philly sports and Philly politics. I love it. My two favorite things to observe and comment on. In fact, my name, Civil Negligence, comes from Philly politics. See, in criminal law there is the concept of criminal negligence: it is what the prosecution needs to show in order to get an involuntary manslaughter conviction (Wow, Bar/Bri still stuck in my head. Get out!). Well, since there is a criminal negligence, I thought there has to be a negligent action that leads to such disastrous results in the civil arena. Enter my boy, John Street (awwwwww yeaaaa). Never has Philly seen such an inept and corrupt mayor. Before entering city hall, this man used to sell pretzels on Temple University's campus and started shit with his fellow city council members. Quite a resume.

As mayor, he has been probed by the FBI, hooked up his family via the city tax payer, failed to clean up the city streets (literally and figuratively), and now he has the highest murder rate for a city in the country. That's right, under Street's watch Philly has more murders than NYC or Detroit. The only way we could not be embarrassed in this manner is if Camden's population explodes in order to keep up with the sheer number of people who are dying in Philly each night. But I'll save this for another post.

Back to my name: so if anyone in this country is able to commit the crime of civil negligence, it is this smug son of a bitch:

He almost makes me want to vote Republican (shit, did I just say that?). Even people of his own race--and let's face it: Philly is still a very racially divided city--are growing to hate him. I think when Nutter takes over, I'll do a grand ol' salute to this travesty of Philadelphia politics. Ah, I miss Fast Eddie!

So before I wrap up, allow myself....to introduce... myself. I was born and raised in the great city of Philadelphia (yes, the city and not some suburb or Cherry Hill). I had a Catholic education my entire life and even scrounged up enough brain cells to be able to attend law school. I am now working in the nation's capital, Washington, DC, doing disability law. I still miss and love my hometown and everything associated with it. Phillies and Eagles are my teams and I will also be posting on them. As for the political side, I am a moderate Casey-Democrat: that means I don't like to kill babies and I still want to make sure the government protects said babies after they are born.

So that is my slant and where I am coming from. Hope it helps color in my future posts. And that's the triple truth, Ruth!

Eagles Pick Out First Guy in Drug Lineup, Sign Him

2007-09-05T14:58:00.000-07:00

The Eagles signed this handsome quarterback-killer to their roster to bolster their D-Line. The Eagles now only have to ensure that they only play against teams whose quarterback is Carson Palmer. Although I understand the move in terms of stopping the run, it just doesn’t make sense with the Trotter cut. Kimo is expected to be a backup, and you’re telling me that Trot wouldn’t make at least a good backup? At least for run-stuffing? Each move might independently make sense, but it means the defensive strategy is at least somewhat in disarray. Then again, this is the same coaching staff that throws it long on consecutive 2^nd and 1 and 3^rd and 1, and also decides to go for 4^th and 10 inside 2 minutes left, but not 4^th and 15.

I was also stunned by the reporting on the Oelhoffen pickup. Bob Brookover, who has been writing about the Eagles since the first fish hopped up on land, claimed that Oelhoffen is going to play exclusively defensive tackle. This means that Brookover has actually been watching a different football team the last few years. The Eagles always put players in lots of different positions to create mismatches and confuse the offense. The chances that he will never play DE are about as high as Michael Lewis successfully covering a paraplegic.

The Eagles now have some of the greatest names in all of football. Kimo von Oelhoffen and Pago Togafau join Savo Rocca and Takeo Spikes. I was a fan of the Pago pickup because the guy can run a 4.6 40 and is good in run defense, until I found out that he is actually evil. His favorite team is the Dallas Cowboys, and his favorite player is Ray Lewis. That means he supports murder and endorses teams full of criminals and suicide artists.

The Eagles may finally have found their Kickoff Returner as they claimed J.R. Reed off of waivers. We just have to explain to him that since he’s now on the team, we have security guards that will open the fences for him. Since he no longer has any nerves in his body, tackling is unlikely to affect him, or put any mileage on his body. Unfortunately, Reed had no TD’s his rookie and only year returning kicks, and the Eagles haven’t had one since Brian Westbrook unleashed his magic act on the Giants 4 years ago! Bring Brian Mitchell out of retirement?

Greg Lewis is the new blue light special of the week at punt returns, which should be exciting, since his feather-like frame can probably fit through even the smallest gaps in the kick coverage. I swear, if we put some astro-glide on him, he might actually squirt all the way to the end zone.

I wanted to talk about yesterday's (9/5/07) Phillies game against the Braves, but when I tuned in to watch it, the game didn't happen. It was really weird, I was all set for us to beat a clearly worse team, and the game didn't happen. I wonder if they will make it up at the end of the year. The Phillies also had a game last week against the Marlins that didn't happen either. I hope the Phillies get a full season this year.

Eagles Assist Modeling Industry, Immigrant Rights

2007-09-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

The modeling industry must have rejoiced as the Eagles announced their cuts on Saturday. Jeremy Bloom can now devote his wash-board abs to pictures, rather than returning kicks to the 10 yard line. The loss particularly hurts quarterback Donovan McNabb's stats for the year, as leading drives from the 25 instead of from the 10 means less passing yards.

The Eagles also showed their cosmopolitan side as they greatly increased the average salary of immigrants by keeping Savo Rocca, and showing Dirk Johnson the door. The Eagles claim that Dirk will soon be punting for other teams, which is great for the Eagles, because they might play those teams, and our offense could really use the benefit of 15-20 yard punts. Unless of course Dirk joins my alumni flag football league, which is roughly about his skill level.

As much as I trust Andy Reid's personnel decisions, I have serious doubts about our return game, after we brought in Bethel Johnson, cut him in favor of Bloom, and then cut Bloom. Buck returning kicks means we have 16 games of watching him bobble the catch, have it hit his knees, and then collapsing to the ground. I'm pretty excited. And then we have one of my favorites, Lito, returning punts, which is really brilliant, because injury prone defenders should always be put in situations where they are likely to get hit.

The Eagles face Green Bay next Sunday in Week 1. Last year Favre said the team was the most talented he ever played with, which is weird, since he's played in two Super Bowls, and didn't even make the playoffs last year. Analysts are calling for Green Bay to be good this year, which seems to happen ever year. Can we stop this? Its just like with Detroit and Arizona. Every year they're supposed to break out. It never happens.

Go Birds

New York State Assemblyman Scummy, Photogenic

2007-06-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

Don't ask questions. Just give me your money.

Well, would you look at that! An update! We know. It's been over a month but with me starting a new job and Max Power in Europe for some reason it's been pretty barren around here. So let's clean out the cobwebs and get back on the horse with a truly uplifting story; a politician deceiving people and fleecing a charity to finance his campaign!

I came across this story in yesterday's Washington Post. The clown pictured above is New York State Assemblyman Greg Ball. Once upon a time, before his rise to political mediocrity, Gregor was an Air Force Officer who organized a charity polo match called The Courage Cup. For a nominal fee, you could buy tickets to the Courage Cup, complete with food, booze and douchebags that like to watch polo. Proceeds were to be donated to Work To Ride, a Philadelphia 501(c)(3) that benefits disadvantaged youth through various horse-related activities. Swell guy, right? Not so much.

With some good ole journalistic grit, The Reliable Source discovered that roughly 25 % of the proceeds of Courage Cup ticket sales were transferred to a political action committee started by Ball. The PAC, Citizens United For Ethical Growth (clever name, Greg!) received almost 10 large in Courage Cup proceeds and then transferred the funds to Ball's campaign. When contacted, Courage Cup ticket buyers were shocked to see their names on CUEG's donor list, assuming their donation would benefit Work To Ride, rather than a steakhead with political aspirations. Ball, predictably, deflected all questions to the head of the PAC, landscaper Frank Chiera, claiming no knowledge of the machinations of the group. Understandable, I suppose, considering the PAC was his biggest fundraiser as well as, you know, started by him. But hey, those New York State Assemblyman are busy busy busy.

There's no conclusion to this story yet as all of the slimy details are still being unearthed. Ball no longer organizes The Courage Cup, as he's most likely figuring out a way to bilk orphanages out of medication or scamming public schools out of free lunches.

P.S. First person to guess his political affiliation wins!

Of Clean Mutandas And A Shitty Bullpen

2007-05-08T07:30:00.000-07:00

So Sam Donellon has a theory as to why the Phillies suck. No curses. No hexes. No superstitions. According to SD:

The Cubs have their goat hex, the Red Sox used to have their Bambino curse. For more than a century of mostly bad baseball, people have postured some weaker voodoo about the Phillies' troubles.

But the real truth might be that they don't have enough of it.

Voodoo, that is.

Hm. Could be, Sam. Could be the shitty bullpen though. Or the putrid situational hitting. Or the manager. Or the maddening lack of commitment to small ball. But let's run with your theory here for a minute:

Once he gets off that disabled list, Ryan Madson could try brushing his teeth between innings the way Turk Wendell once did. I'd suggest he fire the rosin bag into the ground as hard as Wendell did before innings, but the way things are going, that might send him right back to the DL. So let's try dental hygiene first.

Oh, right. Turk Wendell. I forgot how awesome he was with the Phillies. Real fireballer. So good, in fact, the Phils opted to not resign him and now he's out of baseball forever.

What else...let's see......ahhh. Here we go:

Maybe Tom Gordon could give Stephen King a $1 million advance to write a sequel of "The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon." Working titles might include, "The Fan Who Cheered Tom Gordon," "The Manager Who Trusted Tom Gordon" or even "The Doctor Who Fixed Tom Gordon."

Um. Riiiiiiight. Not sure how that falls in the category of superstitions but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. And besides, Stephen King sucks. Except for Stand By Me and Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption. Those stories slayed.

I understand SD's point. I think. We're all so sick of hearing what's actually wrong the Phillies that he wanted to change it up a smidge. We know the bullpen sucks. We know Ryan Howard is slumping. We know Wes Helms plays the hot corner with a cinder block for a glove. But do we come up with solutions? Of course not. We scream and posture and write whimsical little columns and then hang our heads the next day when Six Fingers gives up the go ahead home run. It's a culture of losing, of failure, SD. It has nothing to do with whether or not Jayson Werth scrubbed his undies the day before.

Aaaaand We're Back!

2007-05-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

I am a tremendous douche.

So alot has happened the few weeks we've been away. I heard a few disgruntled Phillies fans demanded Charlie's head at RFK, hanging a banner from the upper deck in center field. Man, I bet they were good looking. And smart. And rich. Definitely rich. I wonder who they were....

Anyway, the big news is obviously the draft. Kind of a head scratcher from Reid, Heckert and Co. this year because 1.) they didn't take a lineman in the first round and 2.) I'm not sure what the fuck they were thinking.

The picks:

Round 2. Pick 36: Kevin Kolb, QB, Houston: What. the fuck. The Birds traded down, surrendering their first pick to Dallas to snag a QB from Houston, which produced greats like David Klingler and Andre Ware. I was certain they were going QB at this point but I, like everyone else, assumed it would be John Beck because of Big Red's love of polygamy. Fooled me, Eagles. Fooled me good.

Round 2. Pick 57: Victor Abiamiri, Defensive End, Notre Dame: You knew that weren't going to wait too long before they drafted a defensive lineman. Built like a linebacker who, in a 4-3 would play that position, but is suited for end in a 3-4. He becomes the 67th defensive end on the Eagles' depth chart.

Round 3. Pick 87: Stewart Bradley, Linebacker, Nebraska: Here's what Andy Reid said about the bevy of linebackers the Eagles currently have: ""I'm just going to put them all out there and let them go. Let's see how it all works out." I'll tell you how it's gonna work out, Andy. That's the same philosophy I have when I'm stoned and trying to cook.

Sun dried tomatoes, Nutella, some garlic salt, a splash of vanilla extract and some vegetable soup.
Let's put this in the microwave for a few minutes.
Stare at the linoleum for ten minutes. Wonder what that smell is.
Realize I had something cooking.
Open the microwave door.
Promptly pass out due to the overwhelming stink of my nightmare.

Round 3. Pick 9: Tony Hunt, RB, Penn State: TATERGEDDON!!!!!! BIG BACK TO COMPLEMENT WESTBROOKZZZZ!11!!!!1 HUNTZZZ!!11!! HOLLAZZ!1!!1 TRADE MCNABBZZ FOR BRIGGZZZ!!11!!!

Round 5. Pick 159. C.J. Gaddis, S, Clemson: This guy apparently shut down Calvin Johnson and is a DB from Clemson, like some other guy I know.

Round 5. Pick 162. Brent Celek, TE Cincinnati: Apparently lacks good speed, which is going to make it tough on him to get a roster spot because we all know Matt Schobel and L.J. Smith are absolute burners (...)

Round 6. Pick 201. Rashad Barksdale, CB, Albany: Hope you like Europe, dude.

Round 7. Pick 206. Nate Ilaoa, RB, Hawaii: Intriguing selection. More of a fullback or halfback than a running back. Probably better suited for either of those positions while splitting time serving crab fries at Chickie's.

How We Do What We Do When We Do It

2007-04-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

As you've probably noticed, we don't update every day at S & I. I've gotten questions about it and hopefully this'll explain the method behind the madness.

Running this thing isn't that easy. It's not that there's not enough time or stories. It's not that we're lazy (lol). It's not that we're not hilarious (LOL). No. The problem with doing something like this, a blog that doesn't take itself too seriously, is monotony. The Phillies play 162 games a year. That's alot of games. Sometimes they're going to win. Sometimes they're going to lose. You don't need to come here to read about it. Read Todd Zolecki at The Inky who, in my opinion, is the best beat writer over there. Sometimes those games are monotonous. Sometimes they're exciting. But, more often than not, nothing really happens. And this leaves us with no material.

If you check everyday expecting something fresh, you're going to be disappointed. There are a lot of other boring blogs out there that more or less regurgitate stories heard elsewhere and add no new insight or humor. You don't need us to get your news (unless we break another story about an Eagles signing. Get thee behind us, suckers).

Whenever you ask a blogger why they started blogging in the blogosphere you'll hear the same answer: "I thought the major media outlets didn't cover sports/politics/weather/whatever the way most people wanted to hear it." And, at some point, alot of those blogs became the major media outlets of whom they originally wanted to become the antithesis. And that's what we wanted to do here at S & I; reduce blogging to the lowest common denominator while still entertaining and informing. In other words, we want to make you laugh.

So if you check in after every Eagles, Phillies, Flyers or Sixers game (and if you do check in regularly, you know we don't normally go near Sixers and Flyers. Not even with Big Dan Teague's syphilis-ravaged dick) you're not always going to find new material. Sometimes we'll have three posts a day. Sometimes I'll go on a cocaine bender and go missing for weeks while Max Power saves the world from insider trading. Either way, we're still here and still trying to bring a smile to your face. You, the readers, are why we're here.

Ok. I lied. We're just really lazy.

I Will Refrain From Making The Obvious Pussy Joke

2007-04-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

Oliver Perez's (Perez'?) walk-a-thon last night helped the Phillies knot the series at 1 a piece. Perez walked in two runs and forced in another by plunking Rod Barajas with a pitch. The Flyin' Hawaiian sacrificed Jimmy Rollins in and Aaron Rowand doubled in Ryan Howard, raising the Phils' average with RISP to .00215.

Antonio Alfonseca, somehow, pitched a scoreless 8th and Flash (aaahhhh ahhhhh!) got the save.

Other storylines from Flushing:

Seriously, is it OK to laugh at this story? I certainly am.

A scrappy little feline mades its way to the outfield before finally escaping over a left field wall. Upon further inspection, it was just one of the many other pussies that populate Shea Stadium (Nah, I couldn't refrain).

Phillies' Bullpen Spotted Lying In Roadside Shrubbery Near Exit 9 Off NJT

2007-04-11T07:17:00.000-07:00

As I'm, sure you've heard by now, the Phillies bullpen blew ANOTHER late lead on Monday to ANOTHER division rival. After Chase Utley and Ryan Howard ostensibly snapped out of their slumps, Geoff Geary decided he wanted to kick The Phaithful in the nuts.

The Phils send Adam Eaton (lol) to the mound tonight to face off against Oliver Perez. Not sure who how this one's gonna turn out but one thing remains certain: Mets fans are ugly:

These guys all live in Astoria.

VS.

YOWZA!!

we're still here, with a plan (sort of)

2007-04-10T07:57:00.000-07:00

If our beloved Phightin's haven't depressed you enough, check out Will Bunch's excellent piece on the the top stories on philly.com for Tuesday, April 10 (www.attytood.com). It'd be funny if it weren't true.

As for the Phillies, well, we've seen this movie before. One phan's view, minus the snark: the main culprits of the horrendous start are the pen and hitting with runners on base. Fine. Is it fixable? I acutally think the former is: acquire two guys with eighth-inning, hihg-pressure situation stuff (read: good fastballs) and slide Geary, Madson, and Alfonseca into 6th-7th inning, longer relief roles for which they are more suited. If I'm Pat Gillick I get on the phone right now with the Brewers and Astros discussing two guys that have fallen out of favor with their teams: Jose Capellan (banished to the minors) and Brad Lidge (banished to middle relief). Lidge may have his own issues, but he's sure as shit more dependable than Clay Condrey.

Hitting with runners on base is more of a problem. Our 6-8 hitters are just not good hitters. Rowand and Ruiz don't work the count, Darren Daulton could outhit Barajas no matter what planet he thinks he's on, and Wes Helms is a modern-day Rick Schu. With the current line-up, if Howard or Burrell are slumping at all, this team will have trouble generating runs. And it seems a good bet that at least one of Howard and Burrell will be slumping at any given time during the season (seriously, have they ever both been on at the same time?). So, what to do? I'd like to see Coste get Barajas' at-bats, and I'd like to see a little more of Werth and a little less of Rowand. Other than that, I don't see a fix on the roster.

Let's Try This Again

2007-04-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

The Phils will try to get their first win of the season tonight sending Cole Hamels to the mound against the Braves. Atlanta starter Tim Hudson gets the nod for the Braves.

On Monday the Phillies dropped a 3-2 lead in the 8th andthe lost 5-3 in 10 innings when resident headcase Ryan Madson gave up a two run homer to Edgar Renteria, his second of the game.

I will most certainly be drunk for this game tonight.

Elsewhere Around MLB:

I'm not sure if the Nationals are this bad or the Marlins this good but I'm certainly hoping it's the former.

The Mets go for a sweep of the Cardinals tonight. Their geriatric rotation sure is getting it done.

The Dodgers, another NL favorite, are 0-2, dropping their first two games to the sleeper Brewers.

Phils Drop Opener; Ruin My Day

2007-04-03T07:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks, Ryan Madson.

Meet The Mets. Beat The Mets

2007-04-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

Are you ready? I sure as shit I am. After the Birds' oh-so-close playoff loss to the 'Aints and the Sixers and Flyers suspending all regular season operations, the Phightins' offseason moves are what kept most us going through winter. And now it begins. Can Freddy Garcia win 17 games again? Can The Bat protect Rhyno? Will Cole Hamels emerge as the Cy Young candidate he's already been christened as? Is Brett Myers a true ace? Will Tom Gordon's arm fall off in July? Will Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins and Rhyno return to form to anchor the most potent lineup in the NL? Can Wes Helsm hit .300 as an everyday starter? Is Gregg Dobbs The Natural incarnate? Was Gillick's wheeling and dealing enough to secure a long awaited playoff berth?

These questions, obviously, can only be answered on the field. But tomorrow is The Reckoning for Jimmy Rollins, who infamously dubbed the Phils "the team to beat" in the NL East. The defending champion Mets took none too kindly to J-Roll's boast, firing back with some soundbites of their own. Even that braindead hick Billy Wagner got involved.

So what happens if the Phils can't walk the walk? What if the Mutts win the division by another staggering 12 games? Or, perish the thought, the Phillies fall out of even wild card contention.

Do I really have to ask?

You boo the shit out of the Mets anyway. And here's why:

Their greasy, swarthy Johnny-Come-Lately fans.
Their overrated general manager who bemoans the Yankees for their exorbitant payroll but conveniently ignores the fact that the Mets are number 3 in cash spent.
Billy Wagner
Shea Stadium
Billy Wagner
Flushing
Mr. Met

Hatred of the Mets is nothing knew for Phillies fans. We've always hated them and always will. Just because the national media is now picking up on this phenomenon doesn't mean the disdain wasn't always there. But even major sports outlets, the most clueless of the oblivious, are getting a sense that the rest of the country is pretty fucking sick and tired of the Yankees-Red Sox. Examples of that can be seen here, here and here.

While this rivalry will be exciting, the Mets are holding a lottery to determine who gets tickets when the Phils visit Shea, it can never become myopic. The sense you get from Red Sox and Yankee fans is that there are their teams and 28 other spectators (and don't bother pointing out that I devoted most of this post to bashing the Mets. Why do you think I included this paragraph, smart guy?)

It all comes to a head tomorrow. This is the time. This is the year. We know it. The team knows it.

Let's go Phightin' Phils.

What They're Saying

2007-03-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

Back during the playoffs I did a little piece that centered around what Giants fans were saying leading up to the game. I'd link to it if I wasn't so lazy and if it weren't completely irrelevant right now. However, in light of the Takeo Spikes deal, and taking a cue from our good friends over at Bleeding Green Nation, here's what Bills fans had to say about the deal:

This guy really wants to believe:

A+! Walker reminds me of Sam Adams. A young Sam Adams. WALKER IS A BEAST!

This guy needs SportsCenter's validation for some reason:

IF! I don't think that will happen. Hey, I want to see what sportcenter think of the trade. THEY BETTER SAY WE GOT THE BETTER END OF THE DEAL!

This guy is delusional:

It this Darwin guy is any good, fleeced 'em. It is better than 50/50 that Spikes is done. At best he will be a shadow of himself as I don't believe any player has come back any where near fully recovered from that injury. Holcombe, a dime a dozen for what we needed him for. Plus we get an all important draft pick. Unless Spikes is fully recovered, fleeced 'em.

This guy is a realist:

It's a very good trade for the Eagles. Spikes is either going to be pretty decent, and not required to dominate, or if he returns he could put that defense over the top. Holcomb is an upgrade at #2 from AJ Feeley and if ever there was a team that can use a player good at dumping the ball off to backs it's the Eagles. They didnt need Walker the way we do with two #1's at DT, plus a FA acquisition and a Kyle Williams-esque low round draft choice that they like.
For us, it fills a need at DT and creates a big hole at OLB.

Clearly, it's of no consequence what fans think. If I weren't biased I'd still say the Birds got the better end of the deal but the Bills did a nice job due to their lack of depth at DT. With Spikes, the Eagles are finally addressing a serious, serious flaw in their defense. And with Holcomb....well, I think he was a holder in Buffalo.

Deal For SPIKEZZZZ!!!11!!! In Place; Birds Also Acquire Holcomb From Buffalo Area Nursing Home

2007-03-26T21:56:00.000-07:00

The Birds significantly upgraded their linebacking corps by sending Darwin Walker and a conditional 2008 draft pick to Buffalo for Pro Bowl linebacker Takeo SPIKEZZZZ11! Packaged in the deal was QB Kelly Holcomb who has been confined to a wheelchair since 2000.

According to the tasty Ashley Fox:

The 13th overall pick by Cincinnati in the 1998 draft, Spikes led the Bengals in tackles in four of his five seasons there. After the 2002 season, Cincinnati designated Spikes as its transition player, but despite the arrival of Marvin Lewis as head coach, Spikes wanted out of Cincinnati. The Bengals did not match the Bills' offer for Spikes, a move that Lewis later said was a big mistake.

Dhani Jones' future with Birds is now unclear but I'm sure he won't be making plays in another uniform before long. And he'll probably do that stupid banjo thing there too.

Soul Win! Soul Win! Also, Phils On ESPN Two Days In A Row

2007-03-23T08:21:00.000-07:00

So the Soul beat Colorado, whose mascot I can't remember but I think Elway owns them or something. Anyway, Tony Graziani threw 8 TD's to wide receivers who I've never heard of on the way to a 71-47 victory. Todd France, the former Eagle, figured into those points somehow. The Soul are now 3-0 but will inevitably break our hearts in the playoffs, whenever they start.

Wiz Wits:

Denver linebacker Al Wilson and his agent are looking for trading partners. The 29 year old Wilson had 113 tackles last season, including 88 solo, with five sacks and a forced fumble. This news has thrown the Eagles Message Board into full fledged Tatergeddon. WILLLSSSONNNZZZZ!!11!!!.

Freddy Garcia's injury is thought to be minor so he should be good to go by the start of the season. Initial reports that his right arm had fallen off were greatly exaggerated.

The Thrillies were the 1 o'clock game yesterday on ESPN and they tied the Red Sox 4-4. Chase Utley got women all over the Delaware Valley moist with a 2 run shot in the 1st inning. The Phils take on the Braves at 1 o'clock today, again on ESPN.

My bracket is a goddamn nightmare.

Mel Kiper Jr. has the Eagles picking USC wide receiver Steve Smith in the first round. It should be noted, however, that Mel Kiper Jr. is a retard.

Philly cops recovered a stolen nuclear device that, if used properly, is capable of high levels of death and destruction. They promptly returned Ryan Howard to Clearwater.

Pride, starring Terrence Howard and Bernie Mac, opens today. The film is based on the experience of Jim Ellis, a swim coach from Nicetown (which, surprisingly, isn't all that nice) who rehabs the Marcus Foster Recreation Center. Ellis forms a swim team consisting of neighborhood kids which, inevitably, has to compete against the kids from the Main Line, coached by Tom Arnold, who will still take work wherever he can get it.

That's it for today. As always, if anything breaks, we'll be there to sarcastically deride it.

Flyers Look To Add Punch for Rangers Rematch; Reagor scared?

2007-03-22T07:01:00.000-07:00

This orgaNIGHzation is so ridiculously inept in all phases of the game that we can't even muster a shred of coherent discussion about what is going on down on Broad Street. Plus, our hockey man may or may not have drunk himself to Bolivian. No one knows for sure. We find it best to act as if this hockey season never happened, which is remarkably easy to do. Coincidentally, Peter Forsberg may be taking the same approach. So, in lieu of any actual analysis, we give you Glass Joe.
__________________

One last Montae Reagor note: How terrified must he be now that he is driving in the same city as the Reid boys?

(Editor's Note: You still drunk?)

Drive That Big Ass Truck To The Pen, Lieber.

2007-03-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

Environmentalist Jon Lieber is packing his shit and moving to the bullpen. Always the odd man out since the acquisition of Freddy Garcia, many thought Lieber would be dealt for other bullpen help but few teams showed interest. I'm not altogether against the move but I really wanted some fresh meat in Philly. Oh, Lieber's pretty pissed about it too:

"I had a lot to prove coming into this spring," he said. "I still think I'm a guy who can throw 200 innings. I think I can win a lot of games for this club. If somebody somewhere doesn't think I can, I wish they would tell. I still think I can help somebody."

Analysis: Birds Sign One-Eyed DT; Trade For URLAKKKKERRRZZ!!!!111 Probably On Horizon

2007-03-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

Not much to say about this, except to point out the obvious: we just signed Cyclops to play DT, and yet I'm still excited over the prospect of seeing Darwin Walker on the bench more regularly instead of on his ass 7 yards from the line of scrimmage.

Montae Reager's Flying Circus

2007-03-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

The Birds shored up the defensive line a few hours ago by inking former Indy defensive tackle Monate Reager to a 3 year 8.5 million dollar deal. According to the Terra Haute Tribune Star:

Reagor, meanwhile, spent his first four seasons with the Denver Broncos before coming to Indianapolis as an unrestricted free agent on March 1, 2003. In 92 career NFL games, he has 241 tackles with 16 sacks and an interception.

From 2004-05, the former Texas Tech standout ranked fourth among NFL defensive tackles with 101⁄2 sacks and was third in quarterback pressures with 51.

The 6-foot-3, 285-pound defensive lineman started 45 of 47 games with the Colts. He was inactive for six games after being involved in a serious automobile accident as he was en route to the RCA Dome for the Oct. 22 home game with the Washington Redskins. Reagor was placed on the non-football injury list for the team’s final five regular season games and four postseason games.

Meanwhile, in Clearwater, Cole Hamels still hasn't found his form, getting worked in all of his starts. "In 32/3 innings, Hamels [has] allowed four hits, four runs, four walks and a home run. He struck out one." Yikes.

Eagles Sign DT Reagor to 3-year Deal (Philly.com)

Hamels Rocky Spring Continues (Philly.com)

It Lives!!

2007-03-19T18:08:00.000-07:00

Look at that. We're not dead. Just a temporary break from this thankless, non-salaried position we have. With March Madness and St. Patrick's Day last week you didn't really think you could count on us for fresh schwag, did you? You did? Thanks, even if you are full of shit.

Not much of consequence has happened aside from Villanova getting bounced from the tourney, Ryan Fowler fleeing for Tennessee, Tom Gordon flying back to Philadelphia for a routine heart transplant, Kevin Curtis getting 3 times the amount of guaranteed cash that Donte Stallworth is getting from the Pats, the Sixers losing by 50, Billy Wagner talking shit on Phillies fans, Drexel losing to NC State in the NIT, the Soul are 2-0, the Phillies cut Justin Germano and a well known Philadelphia sports blog decided to start cribbing one of the ideas of a well known national sports blog.

But we don't like snitches around here.

You know who you are.

We'll be back up with new stuff tomorrow. Ferreals.

OMGZ OMGZ OMGZ!!11!!! STALLWORTH SIGNZ WITH THE PATZZ!1!! FOWLER SIGNZ OFFER SHEET WITH BIRDZZZ!! HOLLAZ!!1!!

2007-03-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

The sky is falling over at the Eagles Message Board but for once I agree with the sentiment over there. The deal the Pats gave Stallworth is misleading in that the only real guaranteed cash is the first year 3.6 million figure, a number the Eagles could have easily matched. Instead:

Herman said Fowler stands to make $4 million in the first season of the 4-year deal, which he said would ultimately pay about $10.5 million. Since Fowler is stuck behind middle linebacker Bradie James in Dallas, Herman said he doubts the Cowboys will match the offer.

Kevin Curtis is still being shopped and left NovaCare without a deal over the weekend.

I'm not comfortable with the idea of Reggie Brown, Hank Baskett and Jason Avant as the numbers 1, 2 and 3 but it's more or less what I've come to expect from the Eagles' front office.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE

Fowler signs with Tennessee. What the fuck is going on in South Philly?

Not Sure Leno Really Thought This Was One Through

2007-03-09T14:26:00.000-08:00

The Tonight Show - Tailgating in Philadelphia

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A little weekend fun for you all. See you Monday, unless something breaks. Which it won't.

Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now

2007-03-08T07:21:00.000-08:00

Remember in march of 2004 when the Birds signed Terrell Owens? There was that feeling of invincibility. You just knew D Mac would go off. And he did to the tune of 31 TD's to just 8 INT's. Well this WR signing certainly shouldn't make you feel that way.

The Eagles agreed to terms with wide receiver/kick returner Bethel Johnson. This story is currently breaking so terms haven't been released yet. This is a bad sign for those hoping to bring back Donte Stallworth.

Eagles Free Agent Signings Update

2007-03-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

And

There Is No Absolutely No Reason To Be Concerned With The Phillies Bullpen

2007-03-06T16:52:00.000-08:00

Linkage to the goodness:

The Phanatic is still alive. And still terrifying. Deadspin
His name is Rios and he dances in the sand (oh oh oh). Bugs and Cranks
Rod Barajas: Instant Fan Favorite. SI
Donte; I've been to Miami and New England and I can tell you the grass is certainly not greener on either of those sides. Take the offer. Philadelphia Inquirer
Pay no attention to the retard. With time, he will go away. The Next Mayor
Luther Christian Academy. Still not a real school. Nice try, though. WaPo

Hey Donte; I Got The Number Of A Guy. Primo Stuff.

2007-03-05T06:39:00.000-08:00

Have you ever started an NFC Playoff Game? On Weeeeeed????

Is that why there have been no offers from the Eagles or any other received-needy teams? NFL Sources report that Donte Stallworth is enrolled in the league's substance abuse program which may cost him big money on the free agent market. There was no word on what substance Stallworth was "abusing" but given the dreads I'm going to irresponsibly assume that it was the cheeba cheeba.
The Birds have expressed interest in keeping Stallworth, who is popular among fans and in the clubhouse. According to Gm Tom Heckert:

"Obviously, we never want to overpay for players, but I think there's a common ground you can come to and you can say you're willing to go this high," Eagles general manager Tom Heckert said before the start of free agency. "But after that, you have to have your options open and move on if you think it's just too out of the price range."

Really, Tom? You mean you guys "negotiate" with players and their agents and try to find a "compromise?" What a novel approach.

Wiz Wits:

The Sixers are on a semi-tear, winners of 4 in a row.
Cole Hamels pitched 4 shutout innings but the Phils lost to the Yankees.
No free agents are scheduled to visit the NovaCare Complex. Surprise!
The Flyers lost to the Penguins for the 45th time this season. The Pens sweep the season series.
Roman Catholic won the Catholic League Basketball Championship. Eddie Griffin had a few pops and cheered from his car.

Boom! Goes The Payroll

2007-03-02T12:26:00.000-08:00

Rhyno's moms has a little extra work to do now. The Phils renewed Howard's contract giving him 900, 000 reasons to want to stay in Philly. Good news.

Phillies Renew Howard's Contract

In Your Nissan Sitting On Lorenzos

2007-03-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

Busy busy busy. But dig all the Philly gear!

A New Look That's Newer Than The Last Look. And The One Before It. And The Other One.

2007-03-01T14:47:00.000-08:00

That douche with the hammer from that one show came over and fixed up our digs. Nice? Nice.

Rich Guy Magazine Talks Baseball

2007-02-27T06:27:00.000-08:00

Forbes Magazine, the mag for all rabid sports fan, released their list of the ten best pitchers of all time. And wonder of wonders, two Phillies made the list. Grover Cleveland Alexander came in at # 3 while Lefty grabbed the last spot. In Forbes' words:

Grover Cleveland Alexander

National League 1911-1929
Member of Hall of Fame
Total Points: 439
Winning Percentage: .647
Teams' Winning Percentage: .533
Difference: +21%
Average innings/season: 283
League Average: 203
Difference: +39%
Earned Run Average: 2.53
League Average: 3.32
Difference: +24%

Baseball history books mostly cite him for a late-career World Series relief appearance to save the 1926 World Series for the St. Louis Cardinals against the New York Yankees. But Alexander was also the dominant pitcher of his era, winning 373 games for mostly average teams.

The distinction of turning in the single best season ever goes to Steve Carlton, No. 10 on our list, who went 27-10 for a 59-97 Philadelphia Phillies team in 1972. Not only did Carlton win an astounding 46% of his team's games that year, but he pitched almost twice as many innings (347) than a typical National League pitcher. In addition, his 1.97 ERA was more than a run per game better than the league average of 3.27.
Steve Carlton
National League 1967-1984
American League 1987
Member of Hall of Fame
Total Points: 350
Winning Percentage: .574
Teams' Winning Percentage: .529
Difference: +13%
Average innings/season: 254
League Average: 178
Difference: +42%
Earned Run Average: 3.09
League Average: 3.70
Difference: +17%

A star left-hander who rivaled Tom Seaver for the unofficial title of most dominant pitcher of the 1970s, Carlton won 20 or more games four times between 1971 and 1982. A model of durability, he made at least 31 starts in every season from 1968 though 1984, save for the strike-shortened 1981 campaign. Carlton completed 30 of his 41 starts in his dominant 1972 season, which goes down as our best single-season performance ever.
Also in this month's Forbes:
Should you be concerned about your petroleum holdings?
Why Grenada is the new Cayman Islands and why you should move your slush fund there.
The best 5 star hotels for hiding prostitutes you accidentally strangled.
Ways to talk to your isolated, emotionally frigid children and spouse.

Chase Utley Is Disappointed In Jon Lieber

2007-02-26T12:53:00.000-08:00

Thaaankkkkkss!

Al Gore's Academy Ward winning documentary An Inconvenient Truth has more than just arm chair Hollywood liberals backing it. Chase Utley, he of the 85 million beanos, has gotten behind the fight against global warming. According to NBC10.com:

Utley, 28, was one of more than 640,000 people who signed the Stop Global Warming Virtual March, a nonpolitical online site dedicated to drawing attention and finding solutions to global warming.He also told an mlb.com reporter he plans to buy a hybrid car.

This stance, of course, is the complete opposite of that of Jon Lieber who, despite not having a concrete spot on the Phils, has an obscene truck.

Chase Utley: Eco-Warrior.

Today Is The The Day For the Supporting Casts Of The World To Shine

2007-02-26T09:55:00.000-08:00

With AJ Feeley wrapped up through 2010 as the Birds' Number 2 QB, Jeff Garcia is presumably headed elsewhere. The 37 year old Garcia led the Eagles on a magical run after Glass Bones went down for the second straight year. Denver and Tampa Bay are believed to be the early favorites for Garcia's services.

A few points from last night's Academy Awards:

Ellen Degeneres rocked the My Cousin Vinny look for the introductory monologue portion of the show. She was marginally funny, so my expectations were exceeded. Bravo, Degenerate.
Alan Arkin won Best Supporting Actor for a role in which his only support was doing junk and having roughly 7 lines. The movie slayed though.
Marty Scorcese FINALLY got his Oscar for what is probably only his 4th best movie, which also won Best Picture. Don't get me wrong. I loved The Departed. But if you don't get that shit for Goodfellas or Taxi Driver the methodology of the Academy's selection process is clearly fucked.
Forest Whitaker won Best Actor for his portrayal of Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland. Should have won it 8 years ago for Ghost Dog.
The wrong nominee won for Dreamgirls.
Hollywood masturbated all over Al Gore's face. He loved it.
Pan's Labyrinth won two of the evening's nerdier awards: Make Up and Art Direction.

Shit! What Time Does Girard Bank Close!?!?

2007-02-22T08:49:00.001-08:00

Some more YouTube Phillies Playoff Tastiness:

Chum In the Water

2007-02-22T06:27:00.000-08:00

With about $12.5 million in salary cap room, The Birds are getting some serious competition in re-signing Donte Stallworth. The Newark (NJ) Star Ledger reports that the Jaguars, 49ers and Titans, all with considerable more cap room than the Birds, are expected to bid for Stallworth's services. According to the Star Ledger:

Teams with plenty of money to spend -- such as the 49ers ($42 million), Titans ($36 million) and Jaguars ($31 million) -- are likely to get involved in the bidding for Donte Stallworth. That will drive up the price tag and likely push the Eagles...out of the running.

The Birds clearly need help at outside linebacker, running back and strong safety. Now, if Stallworth bolts for the cash, wide receiver will also need to be addressed. And don't listen to what Banner, Heckert and Reid will try to feed you. Are you comfortable with Hank Baskett as a number 2? Jason Avant in the slot? C'mon, guys. Smarten up. Try to re-sign him.

I Am Literally Sitting Around The House

2007-02-21T17:50:00.000-08:00

The lack of any substantial updates can be blamed on this behemoth from Costco (sushi capital of Northern Virginia!) I'm still working on the sushi boat while trying to avoid iodine poisoning but I promise some new schwag will be up tomorrow.

Hey! This Is Easy!

2007-02-20T14:14:00.000-08:00

Rather than actually think and write today I'm gonna leave you all with this video. It's well done and hurts in the vicinity of a Kabuki kick to the nuts.

Flyers Make Strong Move for Championship; Holmgren Credits Mentor Wade

2007-02-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

The Flyers made a strong push toward securing a Stanley Cup for the city of Nashville last night, sending Peter Forsberg to the Predators for players that have a combined 3 points in the NHL this year.

"We wanted to have a hand in determining who hoists the Cup this year," Holmgren said. "In the past, we were able to secure championships for the Detroit Red Wings, New Jersey Devils, and Tampa Bay Lightning with our play on the ice. This year we weren't going to be in a position to cough up a late round playoff series, so we had to act fast. I think we did good."

Holmgren apparently has decided to pursue his championship much the way Ed Wade secured championships in 2001 (Arizona--Curt Schilling) and 2006 (St. Louis--Scott Rolen).

"Eddie won two championships during his tenure with the Phils, and Billy King upped the ante this year with two teams: even Ed's never done that before. He's even still paying one of the guys! We needed to do something to let Philly know, "Hey, the Flyguys are still tryin', too.' But Ed's the trailblazer in this town. Always was, always will be. We wouldn't know how to get championships without him."

Billy King was unavailable for comment, but VP of Player Growth Retardation Larry Brown noted, "You Philly guys complain too much. Your GMs have won at least two titles in the last six years, and, hey, Andy Reid's coaching gaffes against New England and Tampa Bay should count becuase he's also the GM, so that's two more. Four championships, and maybe two more this year. You guys don't know how to play the fan game the right way."

Could Be The Curse. Or That We Suck. Whatever Works.

2007-02-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

Not one championship in 24 years. 4 big sports. 0 cups, rings or trophies. It's tough, this Philadelphia sports fan business. Not for those with hearts of glass. It takes an iron stomach and an unwavering loyalty, not to mention a short term memory.

Phrustrated Phan Films (not sure why the "F" in "Films" isn't Philadelphia'd up) is releasing The Curse of William Penn, documenting the widely held theory that once the city voted to approve buildings taller than William Penn atop City Hall, that old fuck cursed us from beyond the grave.

If you're anything like me you devour any and all media concerning the city Philadelphia. From the absolutely incredible Prayer For The City by Buzz Bissinger to A Sunday Pilgrimage by Anthony Gargano, which, apparently, had no copy editing done prior to publication. This film has a hint of professionalism as well as big name interviews including Screaming A. Smith, Pat Croce, Kevin Bacon and some guy wearing a Birds jersey in the beginning.

Check it out here.

Forsberg, Blinq Gone

2007-02-16T10:42:00.000-08:00

In news that is sure to shock almost nobody, The Flyers traded Peter Forsberg to the Nashville Predators for defensive prospect Ryan Parent and winger Scottie Upshall as well as first and third round draft picks in this year's draft. That's a pretty big haul for a guy that can't find skates that fit him.

The only question remaining is how many Stanley Cups do the Preds win once Fors remembers he's only the best fucking hockey player on the planet.

In other sad news, our friend Daniel Rubin has decided to hang up his skates over at Blinq for a cushy city columnist gig at the Inky. If you're not familiar with the site, the M.O. of Blinq, in Rubin's own words, was:

[covering] the blogosphere, trawling the millions of sites of vaunted wisdom and unvarnished pablum so you don't have to.

In other words, Rubin got paid to do what you do everyday for free.

In his final post, Dan shot some love over to S & I referring to the story that made us (marginally) famous:

I've learned what makes the needle jump -- what you're interested in reading, and what you don't care for. Despite the lack of comments, sometimes, the software says you like sex and sports. And news that combined the two, say, that one about the mighty-thighed Australian-rules Eagles punter, did land-office business here.

Good luck with the new job, Dan. And don't be a stranger.

Yes. I'm This Lazy

2007-02-15T10:45:00.000-08:00

A few things you guys might enjoy.

Broad and Locust. 1993. You know what happened then.

ESPN's Damien Cox hates the Flyers.

Oh good. Milton Street is running for Mayor.

The Great Northern Fro Hawk

2007-02-13T08:15:00.000-08:00

First Down Freddie is back in the news. The incessantly annoying first round pick is trying out for the Toronto Argonauts of the Canadian Football League. Philadelphia Will Do seems unnecessarily excited about this. According to Canadian paper The Leader Post:

Former NFL first-round draft pick Freddie Mitchell worked out with
the Toronto Argonauts on Sunday.The former Philadelphia receiver, drafted 25th
overall in 2001, hasn't played in the NFL since the Eagles were defeated by
New
England in Super Bowl XXIX in 2005.

Even though Canadians are widely regard as some of the friendliest, most tolerant people one could hope to find, I'm betting they grow tired of his antics pretty quickly.

BUZZKILL ALERT

By now I'm sure you're heard of the massacre that took place at the Navy Yard last night. 4 dead, including the shooter and one other critically injured. The reason I bring this up is that my mother works in the Navy Yard complex and had left work not long before the shit went down. It hits home. So send your thoughts, prayers, whatever, to the families of the dead. Now back to the fluff.

Birds Fans Bashed By Insufferable Elitists

2007-02-12T11:43:00.000-08:00

So this is an interesting little thing I've found. During the last season of The Vet (2003), NPR's popular news quiz show, Wait Wait- Don't Tell Me, devoted an entire segment of the program to asking questions about our beloved concrete bowl. From the NPR Website:

Genevieve Gorder and Doug Wilson, from TLC's hit TV show, Trading Spaces play a game called, "If the Defensive Linemen Don't Get You, the Drunken Guys in the 700 Tier Will." Three questions about Philadelphia's Veterans Stadium (a concrete monstrosity from the 70's) from an ESPN column by Sal Paolantonio. The Vet is home to the NFL Eagles and the worst fans in the world.

The questions were based on an ESPN Sal Paolantonio column. There are only three questions but it's fun listening to the idiots from Trading Spaces try to talk through them.

"If the Defensive Linemen Don't Get You, the Drunken Guys in the 700 Tier Will."

(The 700 Tier! Brilliant!)

Andy Reid Takes Leave Of Absence

2007-02-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

There won't be any snark in this post. This is serious shit. Andy Reid took a leave of absence from the Eagles to take care of his family business. We try not to rag on family even though one of kids seriously injured an innocent motorist. I won't elaborate on what happened but you can scroll down and find out. What a mess.

Sixers Steal Fans' Money; Fan Returns The Favor

2007-02-12T07:34:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if it actually was a fan who's responsible for this heinous crime, but it always brings me a small measure of satisfaction when these kinds of things happen (see also: schadenfreude). 76ers forward Joe Smith discovered he was relieved of $ 100, 00.00 worth of pesky jewelry on January 15th upon returning to his hotel room after a game against Toronto.

I think, natch, this brings up two questions:

Why did he wait almost a month to report the jewelry missing?
Why the fuck is he living in a hotel? Get a six month lease, Joe. Or at least spring for the safe.

Joe Smith Now Slightly Less Blingy.

The Phillies And Noles Clash In A Heated ACC Rivalry!!

2007-02-08T08:28:00.000-08:00

Well, no, actually. But Florida State will square off against the Phightin's at Bright House Networks Field on February 28th for an exhibition game. Tickets are on sale here if you're interested.

According to John Timberlake, the Director of Florida Operations for the Phils, "With over 60 years of tradition between the Phillies and the City of Clearwater, it is great to be able to mesh a school like Florida State University and the Philadelphia Phillies together, two programs with a great tradition of baseball."

Elsewhere:
The Phillies desperately need to shore up their bullpen at some point. To get an idea of how slim the pickings are, the Phils coveted Paul Shuey, who went on to sign a deal with Orioles. Then there was trade talk of Aaron Rowand to San Diego for Scott Linebrink and that fell through. Now they'll take a look at Dustin Hermanson, the setup guy for the ChiSox. As it stands, the Phils have brought in these new faces to compete for bullpen spots:

Jim Ed Warden (Rule 5)

Alfredo Simon (Rule 5)

Anderson Garcia (waivers)

Antonio Alfonseca (12 toed free agent)

C'mon Gillick! Make some moves. I just don't trust that Eude Brito.

Phil Martelli, St. Joe's Fined By FCC

2007-02-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

Villanova's 56-39 victory over St. Joe's last night was, without a doubt, one the sloppiest, ugliest, least fundamentally sound basketball games I have ever watched. Luckily, I was well on my way to getting exceedingly drunk so it didn't sting as bad.

St. Joe's 39 points was the lowest total put up by the Hawks since 1993 when they lost to Southwest Missouri State (Ryan Howard's alma mater!)

Elsewhere:

SI previews the Phils here.
The court of public opinion can be a bitch.
The Flyers are still a miserable hockey team. Will this make them even worse?

Hot Damn! This Shit Slays!

2007-02-05T20:07:00.000-08:00

With pitchers and catchers reporting in only 8 days, how about a little trip in the Way Back Machine to 1980. Ain't no stoppin' us now!

Ronald Wallace's Face, Meet Jamie Moyer's Devestating Junkball.

2007-02-05T13:14:00.000-08:00

Jamie Moyer, the elder(ly) statesman of the Phillies' rad starting rotation, may have been duped out of some serious cash by Ronald Wallace, a Colorado vinter. Details are kind of sketchy as only the Glenwood Springs Post Independent has picked up the story but here's what they had to say:

Ronald Wallace, whose wine operation collapsed amid criminal charges that he
swindled customers out of millions of dollars, will learn today whether he is
going to prison.Federal prosecutors plan to seek 87 to 108 months of
incarceration for Wallace, a resident of Basalt. But his attorneys filed court
papers last week asking for a more lenient sentence that would include home
detention and five years probation. His attorneys claim Wallace suffers from
Crohn's disease, and any hard time would take a unnecessary toll on him. "A
prison sentence here would be cruel and would do no one any good," Wallace's
attorney, Marilyn Bednarski, wrote in a sentencing memorandum dated Jan. 30. "It
would potentially kill him, thereby making sure that no one will get repaid.
Instead if he is left at home to do no more than work, be with his family and
attend to his dire medical situation, his family and the victims benefit."The
sentencing hearing for Wallace, 49, will take place in federal court in Los
Angeles. It comes after his guilty plea in June 2005 to one count of money
laundering, four counts of wire fraud and two counts of mail fraud - all in
connection to a so-called Ponzi scheme that ripped off dozens of wine
connoisseurs. Federal agents arrested Wallace in September 2003 at his Basalt
home, and proceedings have lingered ever since. Among his clients were Guess?
Inc. co-founders Paul and Maurice Marciano, ESPN "College GameDay" host Chris
Fowler, movie producer Arthur Sarkissian and Philadelphia Phillies
pitcher Jamie Moyer, according to court papers.

Wallace better hope he doesn't catch one of those 75 mph heaters upside his dome piece.

(Editor's Note: Why is it nearly impossible to find a photo of Jamie Moyer as a Phightin'?)

Gregg Doyel Brings His Hard Hitting Commentary to Glogging

2007-02-05T09:11:00.000-08:00

Apparently I'm important enough to warrant an iota of CBS Sportsline columnist Gregg Doyel's time. Will Leitch, shadowy overlord of the Deadspin sports empire, glogged last night's fesitivites at the request of CBS. Doyel, for some reason, did the exact same thing but interspersed pot shots at Deadspin commenters throughout. Your fearless editor (under the guise of my Deadspin commenter name, ArkansasFred) asked Leitch to do him a solid if he was wandering the corridors of the massive, windowless CBS Sportsline complex. I asked:

"If you happen to see him, tell Pete Prisco that Arkansas Fred thinks he's a real jerk off."

So Doyel, clearly with one eye on Deadspin and one on his own "glog" remarks:

On those same message boards, a Deadspin reader asks Leitch to do him a favor:
"If you happen to see him, tell Pete Prisco that Arkansas Fred thinks he's a real j---off."

Whole lot of penis commentary over there at Deadspin.

Yea dude. A lot of penis commentary. Kudos on the totally obvious homophobia by the way. And if you're going to call me out while sitting in the press box at the Super Bowl, at least have the decency to plug my blog you douche drinker.

Congratulations Colts

2007-02-05T07:53:00.000-08:00

What an historic Super Bowl! Only the second dome team in history wins it! An African American head coach wins it! And the only fetus in the NFL wins the MVP! Amazing!

This Kid Owns

2007-02-04T14:34:00.000-08:00

Enjoy the game everyone.

Pitchers and catchers soon.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Hey Rich Hoffman. A/S/L?

2007-02-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

Today's Rich Hoffman chat was a complete and total clusterfuck but he does a nice job tolerating and even answering some pretty irrelevant questions, such as:

Todd: Do you think Andy Reid's problems with his sons will affect his ability to concentrate on the "Eagles"?

Mike: Do you think Andy Reid will use a high draft pick to pick a big back to complement Westbrook?

D.J.: Andy will sure have some soul searching to do, I'm sure he's thinking that he failed his sons due to concentrating on football, this could lead to complications on manageing the team, hopefully the boys will take councilling and rehab seriously! (Editor's Note: Shouldn't D.J. leave the unfounded speculation to the pros? You know. The bloggers).

Anthony: What do you think the chances of Jevon Kearse being cut before applicable roster bonuses kick in are?

ken: do u consider Reid a hippocrite now that we know what really goes on with his son's.

Seriously. Dude. Hoffman. You're a prince for fielding some of these.

Myers Locked Up. Reid's Sons Next?

2007-02-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

The Phillies signed Brett Myers to a 3 year, 27.5 million dollar deal. Myers, who was eligible for arbitration, will make 5 mil this season, then 8.5 in 2008 and 12 mil in 2008 with a $ 250, 000.00 signing bonus. Pretty nice cheddar.

And things keep getting worse for the Reids. First it was running a red light. Ok. Then some "paraphernalia" was found. Bad, but not terrible. Then Britt pulled a smoker on someone. What the fuck? And now Garrett admits to USING HEROIN. Shit is getting fucked up.

What's next? Britt and Garrett were running late to meet their contact at the docks to unload a tanker full of Chinese laborers? Are they majority shareholders in Bonsai Kitten? Are they the ones lobbying to keep Reno Mahe on the team?

These Business Nerds Are Passionate

2007-01-31T12:55:00.000-08:00

Phillyist uncovered this little gem. Not Safe For Work.

Listening To Q 102 Will Do That To You

2007-01-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

Garrett and Brit Reid, sons of Andy Reid, fucked some people up with their cars in seperate accidents yesterday. Garrett Reid's OOPS! happened at Germantown and Arch Road in Plymouth Township. According to reports:

Police say a black Jeep Liberty being driven by Reid's 23-year-old son, Garrett, apparently ran a red light and struck a red Taurus.
The impact demolished the car sending papers all over the roadway and trapping the woman driver. She was taken to the University of Pennsylvania Medical Center in serious condition. The woman, who lives in Mount Carmel in central Pennsylvania, was released from the hospital last night and returned home.

After the crash, Garrett Reid apparently called his 21-year-old brother, Britt, to say he was in an accident.

Investigators say Britt was apparently on his way to accident scene when he got into some sort of incident along Matsonford Road.

Bad enough, right? Nope. Garrett apparently likes to play with the dope:

Action News has learned that investigators discovered drug paraphernalia in the crashed SUV.

Andy would put them in time-out but he used them all in the 1st Quarter.

Wilma McNabb Tackles Injustice

2007-01-31T07:46:00.000-08:00

Jesus. If only my blog was as talked about as much as hers.

In case you were living on Mars, under a rock, with your fingers in your ears, you may have heard Wilma McNabb, Chunky Soup doyenne and mother to Donovan, had some choice words for the Eagles and their fans. And while not altogether bad, these words smacked of bitterness and resentment towards the Birds's success with Jeff Garcia under center. Here were here exact words:

It's kind of bitter sweet for me as my son, the quarterback sits out on injured reserved watching the game during his rehab. I polled my family too and they feel the same. We want our team to win and even go to the Superbowl and win it in Miami especially if they continue to play as they have. But oh oh, if they win the Superbowl without my son, what would be the real outcome with the fans? Will they crucify him? Maybe, then the trade talks would begin.

People freaked.

McNabb said nothing.

This made our quarterback look weak. It made him seem deferential to a fault and spineless. Wilma was reacting to an imaginary affront. But the worst part? No one asked her opinion. But of course it was big news once it was out and still is. Here's Wilma yesterday:

"If people perceive it that way, I think it's an injustice," Wilma McNabb said last night, right after addressing the same subject on Comcast SportsNet's "Daily News Live." "We're not the only parents that follow our sons. I see the Mannings are with their sons. I know them. I know the Waynes, Reggie Wayne's parents. As I told people, when we travel from game to game, we know the parents we're going to see - we see Dhani Jones' parents and Brian Westbrook's parents. We're all that way. It's just that Donovan is in the news all the time, and then I'm doing the Chunky Soup [appearances and commercials], so they see us out a lot.

"He is a family man, he has a wife and a child. If you perceive [weakness] because we support him, then I think that is an injustice."

???????????????????????

Hey, Wilma, if you want to compare yourself to the Mannings, be my guest. But realize that Peyton is probably the only respectable one in the bunch. And the Waynes? What the fuck? Reggie Wayne's younger brother was killed this season in a car accident. That, to me, is an injustice. So step lively here, dear.

Don't even get me started on Dhani.

The point is, Wilma fucked up. And now she won't own up. I'm sure it is bittersweet for the family. Hell, I'm sure even Donovan cheered a little inside when the Eagles blew the game to New Orleans. But keep that shit to yourself. We don't want to hear it.

Man...I Really Gotta Clean This Dump Up

2007-01-30T17:30:00.000-08:00

I'm having some design problems (i.e. Tom Knox's freakishly large head). I'll work on it tonight (or next month) and stop giving y'all a headache.

I Hate Myself For This But...

2007-01-29T12:53:00.000-08:00

...I'd hit it.

Fuck that. No I won't.

Are YOU The Next Clement Plumsted?

2007-01-29T10:48:00.000-08:00

The Democratic primary for the mayoral nomination is less than 4 months away. In other words, the mayor's race is less than 4 months away. With no plausible Republicans in the running, this is the whole shebang.

Thomas Fitzgerald of the Inky analyzed the 5 contenders' chances, their strengths and weaknesses, and what they have to do to win. Here's what I would have written:

Chaka Fattah

Strengths: Is Black.

Weaknesses: Is Black.

Path to Victory: Not acting too Black/Acting Blacker.

Bob Brady

Strengths: The darling of organized labor (except for IBEW chair John Dougherty). Chairman of the Democratic City Committee. Everyone knows who he is. Throws a killer fundraiser in Wildwood in every year.

Weaknesses: Not big on "policy" and "procedure" or "getting things done."

Path to Victory: Did he officially enter the race? Yes? That's it. He wins.

Michael A. Nutter

Strengths: According to Democratic stalwart Frank Keel, Nutter is a "wonk's wonk." In Philadelphia this means he might read the title of city council legislation. Or may have a staff member summarize its contents. But maybe not. Also, Nutter Butters are fucking money!

Weaknesses. Blacker than Fattah/Not as black as Fattah.

Path to Victory: Grow hair. Dye goatee. Call self Chaka Fattah.

Tom Knox:

Strengths: Money Money Money Money Money Mooooooooney.

Weaknesses: Huh? Tom Who?

Path to Victory: Pssssh. Easy. Bribe every voter in the city of Philadelphia. Even the dead ones.
Dwight Evans:

Strengths: Shares name with with former Red Sox outfielder Dewey Evans, who hit 385 career home runs. Resemblance to Delta Force star Lou Gosset Jr. should calm voters' concerns about alleged weakness on defense and homeland security

Weaknesses: Has been a member of the Pennsylvania House of Representatives for over 30 years. Too far removed from City Hall to stomach the devious machinations required to get shit done there. Very few sinister connections or shadowy business partners.

Path to Victory: Cheat. Well, more than the other candidates.

Chuck Bausman Hates The Internet

2007-01-26T00:58:00.000-08:00

I really don't know what to say about this, mostly because I am retardedly drunk. I was at The Black Cat seeing Dave's band (www.myspace.com/thehiddenratio). Dave is a very close friend of mine. So listen to his band. Then read this garbage article.

Crap.

Skanky Washed Out Blonde To Appear In Irrelevant Frat Guy Mag

2007-01-24T22:22:00.000-08:00

The 'Fuck Da Eagles' skank is back. And now she's in Maxim. According to Cory Jones of Maxim Online, she's "super hot" and whoever forwards her information to Maxim will win something from Cory's desk. It should be noted, however, that in his photo, Cory is doing the double fisted sign of the goat and sticking out his tongue. This means he is a douchebag.

I'll let you read the suck for yourself.

Save Me, Wilma!

2007-01-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

Donovan is PISSED. According to the Trenton Times, McNabb has been unhappy with the Eagles since tearing his ACL on November 19 against the Titans.

What's the bug up his ass?

• McNabb reportedly is unhappy that Eagles coach Andy Reid didn't allow him to travel with the team to New Orleans for the team's playoff game against the Saints. The Eagles have a rule that players on injured reserve don't travel with the team.

• McNabb also reportedly might be getting the feeling that some with the Eagles might prefer Garcia as the team's starting quarterback after Garcia led Philadelphia to the playoffs and a postseason victory after McNabb's injury.

• And McNabb also reportedly isn't happy with how his mother has been portrayed in the media and by Eagles fans for comments on her blog on his Web site. She wrote that watching the Eagles win without McNabb was "bittersweet."

This news comes right on the heels of Andy Reid cancelling a McNabb press conference to discuss the status of his rehabilitation.

Is one quiet off season too much to ask?

Strike First! Strike Hard! No Mercy, Sir!

2007-01-22T22:43:00.002-08:00

From The Dead Pelican comes this little gem:

I'm not going to say too much about this because I don't give a rat's ass about either of these teams unless they're playing the Eagles. I would like to note, however, had this been a Philly fan we'd be hearing about it on ESPN for weeks rather than reading about it on a local Louisiana politics blog.